As a high-functioning introvert you are terrified of everything, but you get through. You were never going to settle for a bearable life. But you’ve come a long way and I have high hopes for you. I reckon by the time you’re sixty you’re going to be halfway on the way to being a semi-sorted-out person. Maybe not the goddess Durga, but someone who can confidently wear a beret. You will have stopped waiting for your life to start because you’ll understand that this is based on the idea of waiting for a perfect moment to arrive so you can stop and have a rest. Spoiler alert: that perfect moment will never arrive, because it is based on a fairytale you were told in a bid to keep you lacking. It is a pretty lie on a paper horizon. Your life is happening without you, so best be in it.

You’ll be happy enough living with Kelly. She snores like a fighter jet with a fifty-a-day habit, but that snore-cancelling app is really helping. Who knew she sounded exactly like a crackling fire? The app. THE APP KNEW. The friendship therapy is also helping, even if the therapist is technically a marriage counsellor. It’s not your fault you’re ahead of the curve again, culturally. Friendships go through cycles, orbits, and you are coming back round to Kelly again, very close, you can feel it.

You still haven’t forgiven Mother Nature but when things get really bad you can put Christian the lion on YouTube until your faith is restored. Truly the darkest mood will dissipate at the sight of that grown lion running towards the men who saved it from the toyshop and putting its paws on their shoulders. Dear god! There is goodness out there. Amongst lions.

Finally, a small note about housekeeping. It’s about time you started eating more brassicas and wearing better brassieres. In fact, that’s your mantra for next year: More Brassicas, Better Brassieres. Catchy, and sexual.

Let’s make this happen.

Forever yours,

Jenny x

My dearest darling Jenny,