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Chapters (106)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. PROLOGUE
  4. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER
  5. ART SAID
  6. I WALK
  7. THEY SAY
  8. IN THE WINGS
  9. THEY SAY
  10. I POST
  11. THEY SAY
  12. A WOMB OF ONE’S OWN
  13. THERAPY SESSION #1(DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE)
  14. LIKE OF DUTY
  15. PICTURE THE SCENE
  16. I SAID
  17. THE PATATAS BRAVAS
  18. KELLY HAD SAID
  19. SOBER SEXTS
  20. ABLUTIONS
  21. MY BATHROOM SAID
  22. TIPPING POINT
  23. MY MOTHER SAID
  24. I WAS EIGHTEEN
  25. ART SAID
  26. SOMEONE SAYS
  27. A REALLY BAD SIGN
  28. MIA SAYS
  29. I WALK
  30. KNOCKKNOCK
  31. ONE-LINERS
  32. I SAY
  33. THE OUTRAGE
  34. BABY ELEPHANT
  35. ART SAID
  36. MY MOTHER SAYS
  37. HOW I MET KELLY
  38. ART SAID
  39. ART SAID
  40. WHAT LASTS?
  41. BAD STAND-UP
  42. GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST
  43. I WOKE UP LIKE THIS
  44. THE MIND CREATES THE ABYSS
  45. I ADORED
  46. ART SAID
  47. YOU
  48. TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
  49. IF
  50. ART’S MOTHER SAID
  51. FULL DESPERATE
  52. MISERABLE PHO
  53. BREATHING FOR ONE
  54. POPULAR PROBLEMS
  55. ON THE BUS
  56. TABS
  57. GRANMA SAID
  58. ALL MY CIRCUS, ALL MY MONKEYS
  59. BURNOUT
  60. THERAPY SESSION #2
  61. IN
  62. APP IDEA
  63. LOOK NO HANDS
  64. HI HI HI
  65. BACK AT HOME
  66. EXHIBITS A AND B
  67. GOOD FAMOUS PEOPLE
  68. MY MOTHER
  69. STILL
  70. LIFE
  71. WE’D GONE
  72. ‘FUNNY’
  73. OUTGROWN
  74. ART SAID
  75. BODIES OF WORK
  76. KELLY SAID
  77. FAKE NEWS
  78. GOOGLE ME
  79. SOCIAL CATERPILLAR
  80. REALLY THO
  81. DEALS WITH STRANGERS
  82. NEWS ITEM
  83. NICOLETTE SAYS
  84. HALF AN HOUR LATER
  85. ASS FIZZ
  86. THAT NIGHT
  87. IT HAPPENED TO HAPPEN
  88. #FROTHEH
  89. MY MOTHER SAYS
  90. THE HEART CROSSES IT
  91. MANCHILD
  92. WHO YA GONNA CALL
  93. NAKED AMBITION
  94. SOHO SQUARE
  95. CHIEF EMOTIONS
  96. SHE SAYS
  97. KELLY SAYS
  98. GENUINE QUESTION
  99. LIFE DRAWING
  100. RELAX
  101. WE LIE
  102. SILENT-ISH NIGHT
  103. THANKS
  104. About the Author
  105. ALSO BY EMMA JANE UNSWORTH
  106. About the Publisher

MY DEAREST DARLING JENNY,

I hardly know what to tell you – other than Roger and I are having a marvellous time and it’s not as hot as I feared, which you know is a relief for the likes of you and I who suffer with the dreaded frizz. You would not believe the beaches – I have taken lots of photos so as soon as I get back I’ll get them developed so I can show you and with any luck they won’t just be of my sausage knees or half a palm tree. I hope you are having a very merry Christmas and you found the money in your card under the tree – get yourself something nice in the sales. No one seems bothered about the millennium bug here so I really think try and keep your panic under control darling (you do worry!) although poor Roger did suffer another type of bug when we first arrived but that seems to have mostly evacuated now and certainly hasn’t put him off the lumumbas. See you in the new year – and the new millennium! I hope it will bring us both many great things. I really do feel so positive about the future and just know you’re going to make me so proud.

Take care.

Your loving mother XXXX

LIKE OF DUTY

I don’t reply to my mother. Instead, I go back for another dose of Suzy Brambles. But lo, what’s this? A new post! I devour it.

She has been out in Soho. She has imbibed too many shots. She has succumbed to a falafel kebab. Soho … So … close, and yet so far. I give it a Deep Like. You really feel likes like that. Everyone must. And then I comment:

LIVING YOUR BEST BAB LYF

With no kisses, to look nonchalant. Then I wonder whether I should have put Livin’ with an apostrophe rather than Living, to sound more youthful. Then I go through Suzy’s follows again just to check I am still there. It makes me feel strong to see myself amongst her chosen people. I know she is seeing what I’m doing, even if she doesn’t feel the need to reach out. I notice that she has started following Art, which is odd because he hardly ever posts anything, just the odd nice coffee or cool job he’s been on.