My mother takes the lemons to the kitchen. I walk into the lounge. Her phone lights up on the table. Instinctively, I walk up to it and look. I defend myself thus: we are conditioned to look at a lit screen these days, are we not?

It’s a message from Art.

I peer at it, confused.

Is it my phone? Have our phones somehow got mixed up and she has brought my phone? My brain scrambles for an explanation.

No. It is her phone. Her obscene designer case with the magnetic clasp.

The message says:

I am heartbroken too Carmen but this really is the way it has to be x x

I stare at the words. I grab the phone and unlock it. Her passcode is my birthday.

I open the messages and scroll through. She has been texting him since I told her. I scroll and scroll.

I just need

to understand xxx

Maybe you need to talk to Jenny x

She hasn’t talked to me for 20 years xxx

NO ONE EVER THINKS ABOUT THE IN-LAW XXX

She loved you when you were a nobody how can you abandon her now xxx

Please take her back Art PLEASE XXX

I know she’s hard work but it’s not her fault. She’s always been difficult but I still love her xxx

I see a bright future for you two, I always did.

The true mark of a man comes out in the end doesn’t it.

They all warned me about you xxx

Just miss you so much xxx

There are reams of them. Reams. Swinging from needy to abusive and back again.

My insides churn. Now, I see it all so clearly. Is it any wonder I am alone and anxious when this – this duplicitous fiend – has raised me?

SENT ITEMS

Subject: Column idea

Hi Mia,

I wonder whether you might consider this idea for a column? My mother has moved in with me and it’s a complete nightmare. How about I do a weekly expose of how hideous it is? The primal female relationship, skewered.

Best,

Jenny

INBOX

Subject: Re: Column idea

Jenny,

If you can crank up that skewered to crucified, you have yourself a gig.

M.

Subject: Re: Re: Column idea

Mia,

Of course! You’ve got to fight pain with pain.

Jenny.

EXHIBITS A AND B

I get ready in my room. I think, what would Suzy Brambles like out of my clothes? A long black skirt and good boots and a ruffly blouse. I cover my body, layer by layer, not looking until it is dressed. My own nakedness is a historical fact to me.