My mind is racing with voices on repeat, and my heart is struggling to keep up, pounding faster and faster. The shadows in the car are closing in, making the space feel smaller and even more suffocating. There is nowhere to hide, nothing to protect me. I’m trapped. I sink deeper into the seat, clinging to Jesse’s limp body. It’s a struggle to hold him close, but I find strength in my desperation. Tanner’s voice is stern, but it’s too late; the shadows are pulling me under. I pray to a God I don’t believe in, that the shadows will consume me completely this time. I pray I won’t wake up.

* * *

The beeping of hospital monitors rouses me. Unfortunately for me, I don’t even get a moment of confusion; I know exactly where I am, what has happened and why it’s me lying here being monitored. It is a little overkill though, let’s be honest. I shake off the probe clipped onto my finger and the machine sends out an alert. If only I knew how to turn the damn thing off.

Movement in the corner of the room startles me, Tanner is by my side in what feels like an instant. Maybe my reflexes are lacking by a few seconds because he can not have moved that fast.

“Thank fuck,” he mutters under his breath.

“Where did they take him?” I say on a rasp, my voice husky and dry.

“Here,” he clips in response, ignoring my question. Tanner holds a glass of water in front of me, positioning the straw to my lips. “Drink this.”

I want to demand answers, but I have no fight left in me. Right now I need this, someone bossing me around and pushing me to pull myself together, because if I’m left to do as I please, I might not make it out alive. Jesse isn’t here to piece me back together anymore. The thought sinks low into my stomach and nausea overwhelms me.

“I think, I’m going to be —”

Before Tanner can call a nurse or pass me the bin, I empty the contents of my stomach over the railing and onto the floor.

“Shit, hang on a sec,” Tanner says, grabbing some tissues and pressing the buzzer for the nurse.

A middle aged woman pokes her head through the curtain and smiles sympathetically. She holds up one finger, I assume to let us know she will be back to clean up.

Chapter Forty-Three

Kinsley

“Kins.” Tanner looks at me, his hard and moody expression from earlier is gone,the raw emotion in its place causes my chest to tighten.

No, I need him strong, I need him to hold me together. I’m not ready to feel all of this yet.

He nods. “Yeah, Pip.” Reading my thoughts he takes my hand, squeezing gently. “I need you to acknowledge all of this, then we can go home.”