His breathing is getting slower, more raspy. His chest rattles, blood is soaking through his shirt; the bandages Dad dressed him with are a crimson river covering us both. He isn’t going to make it, a deep feeling of finality washes over me. I hold him close, needing him to know that I’m here. Does he know? God, I hope he doesn’t think he is alone. Take me, Jess. Dammit, take me with you.

“I’m here, Jess, it’s okay — if you need to go, if you’re in pain — fuck it.” I let out a strangled cry, pulling him up further onto my lap. “Kyle will be waiting for you,” I sob. “Tell him I love him.”

“Don’t fucking say that, Kinsley. He will be okay,” Tanner growls from the front seat. He can’t see him though, the boy who was always so full of life; now lying lifeless in my arms.

Jesse was gone. Only his body lies here now; still warm, still intoxicating me with the smell of freshly mowed grass and cinnamon. If only there was a way I could bottle it up. I don’t speak, my mind is a mess. I couldn’t thread a sentence together, even if I wanted to. Instead, I let Tanner keep driving. Maybe if I close my eyes real tight, I’ll float away into the abyss with him. If I had my time again, I would see him the same way he saw me. I was too stuck in my own head to realise that everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. Right fucking there for the taking. Why didn’t I see him? Was he unhappy? Did he feel like I just kept him at a distance our whole lives? I didn’t, I let him in. Surely he knew that, God, I hope he knew it. I let him see me.

“Out of your head, Kinsley!” Tanner snaps, his eyes piercing me through the rear view mirror. He sees me too. He somehow sees every damned thought racing around in my head. Am I hurting him? Can he see how deep my love runs for Jesse? Can he see my life flashing before my eyes? Does he sense my terrorising fear, navigating a way forward in life without Jess?

Without my person.