I take a moment to calm myself, counting my breaths in and out. Standing here, in the silence, I can almost hear Mum and Dad’s voices calling me in for breakfast. Wouldn’t that be a sight for sore eyes.

I walk further into the paddock. Allowing the long golden strands of wispy grass to tickle my palms. Then I see it. My secret place; the concrete tank that I spent so many hours on. Countless sunrises, sunsets and nights spent under the stars. I would watch the whole world pass by when I was up there.

It was my escape.

My fingers wrap around the steel ladder, and adrenaline shoots through my veins. When I reach the top, Jesse is already there pulling things out of his backpack. The cold concrete bites at my skin through my jeans when I plop down beside him. Being the middle of winter, the sun will set soon and with it will come a chill you can feel deep in your bones. “Whatcha got there?” I quirk a brow towards him. Please be food.

“Well …” he starts in his matter-of-fact voice, brace yourself Kins he’s about to hang shit. “Whilst you were having your Nanna nap, I decided to grab us some lunch … which has now turned into dinner.”

I flip him the bird, taking in the spread of food. Cheese, crackers, dip, and twiggy sticks, I laugh as I grab one. “These were Kyle’s favourite.”

“I know,” he says and he grabs us both another beer. The look in his eyes says everything that he doesn’t put into words. An apology for all the pain I feel, the pain he has no reason to take accountability for. It all swirls behind his emerald gaze. “Happy Birthday, Meadow.”

A single tear falls down my cheek, and I smile. A real smile. “Thank you, Jess.”

Chapter Three

Kinsley

When I was eight years old, my dad went missing. Little did I know, that day on the swings, was the last normal morning we would have as a family. Then, two years later, on my tenth birthday, my brother died. I think they’re connected, I just don’t know how.

You can’t just sit around home all day waiting for the call, I think to myself. I have already taken this entire week off work. Everyone thought it was because I wanted to let loose for my birthday and I didn’t have the heart to break it to them. I’m not the social butterfly they assume I am. I go to work, I catch up with Jesse, Tanner brings me coffee two or three mornings a week and that’s about as exciting as my life gets.