I can do this. A girls night, with snacks and alcohol, oh we could even have a read-athon! I contemplate telling her to bring her Kindle and a few books but who am I kidding, that girl goes nowhere without a book.

Maybe after a few drinks, I can tell her about Tanner; I could tell her everything. Kinsley, you need to tell her everything. The little voice is right, Soph is one of my closest friends. It’s a surreal feeling, having a close friendship with someone other than Jesse. It’s something I have longed for since I was a little girl and now my dreams are becoming reality. Sharing secrets and swapping stories is the next step in our friendship, right?

* * *

Sophie lies diagonally across my bed kicking her feet whilst reading a cute little romance novel. The books she reads are my palette cleansers in between the morally grey men I find myself dreaming about. I’m a dark romance girl at heart, give me all the shades of black. Two pages of trigger warnings? Sign me up.

I top up her glass with my favourite raspberry gin before snuggling into my reading chair. I’m not sure how much time has passed; we have each got up a few times to go to the loo, have a stretch or pour ourselves another drink, but as I glanced out the balcony doors, the sun is setting. Bright rays of red and orange swirl together across the sky. It reminds me of simpler times. I briefly recall a saying my dad would repeat each time we saw a red sunset, something along the lines of, ‘Red skies at night, sailor’s delight. Red skies in the mornings, sailor’s warning.’

Slipping on my Uggs, I walk out onto the balcony. The crisp night air hits my lungs and I’m taken back to the nights I spent on top of the concrete tank. Thousands of sunrises and sunsets dance across the sky in front of me, and memories of home hold me tight.

A few moments later, Sophie’s hand rests on my arm. “Is there something you want to tell me, Kins?” she asks, a hint of hesitancy in her tone. “This girls night is great, but I can’t help but feel like you’re trying to fill some kind of void?”

“Can we sit out here?” I drop my eyes, fidgeting with my fingers. “There are actually a few things I want to get off my chest.”

She turns, walking back inside while I stand here, regretting this whole girls night because now I am about to let all the skeletons out of my closet. How much am I going to tell her? Could I actually tell her everything?

“Help would have been nice,” she huffs, throwing two floor pillows and a blanket at my feet.