Looking around for something to keep me busy, I come up empty handed. Maybe I should go into the bar, check over the books — no, that wouldn’t be a good idea. The image of Tanner leaning against my office door springs to mind, his hungry eyes prowling over my body. My chest tightens at the memory from only days ago. I can still feel the butterflies that swarmed low in my stomach, the desire that pooled in my core. Fuck, am I depressed or aroused right now? You’re broken, Kinsley, that’s for sure.

I pick up my phone and dial the only number I know off by heart. It rings three times before Jesse answers.

“Hey, Meadow, everything okay?”

“Hey Jess, yeah everything is fine. I was thinking, you should just stay at your place tonight. I’m fine, really, and I thought I might ask Soph to come over. She can stay with me, give you a night off from babysitting duties.”

Will I ask her though? I love Sophie and I really should confide in her but ‘people-ing’ at the moment doesn’t really excite me. Then again, a girls night with drinks, snacks and our favourite books … Okay, it really isn’t a question, I want a girls night. Clearly my inner child is feeling neglected by the lack of sleepovers as a tween.

“Will she stay the night? Have you already asked her?”

Jesse and I go back and forth about my current emotional state, the who, what, where, when, why and how of my plan to move forward through this mess. He’s always been the planner, the one who thinks everything through before acting on it. I however, prefer a more spontaneous approach.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, I’ll let you know,” I say, ending the conversation.

Scrolling down a little, I hit ‘call’ on FaceTime and wait for Sophie’s face to pop up on my screen.

“Hey pretty lad–” she cuts herself off before saying what I hope was pretty lady, because I am most definitely not a lad. “Whoah, Kins, are you okay?”

“Do I look that bad?” I laugh. “I went for a run, that’s all, I’m fine.”

“Kinsley, you don’t run … Scrap that, you don’t exercise at all.”

I shrug my shoulders in response. “Enough about me, what are you doing tonight? Please tell me you don’t have plans.”

“Are you inviting me over? Because I’ll be there in twenty-five minutes!” she squeals, jumping up and down. “Let me go pack my bag.”

“Bring snacks,” I laugh again.. “I have plenty of alcohol!”

“Got it, see you soon!” she squeals as she drops the phone, and all I hear is her running off down the hallway.