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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

‘I write letters,’ Erica says, holding a file to her chest in defence. ‘I go to see my MP and I sign petitions. I do a lot of sharing on Facebook. I’m active.’

‘You haven’t been on a march? Never?’ Vee searches through recent memory. ‘Not even Trump? Stop the War? Me Too?’ Jesus.’

‘Was Jesus a march?’ It’s nice that she and Erica are relaxing around each other a bit, enough to make jokes, but—

‘Do not be flippant about this, Erica.’ Vee is half-here, half in a memory she cannot quite hold on to, Leonie livid about her sister’s way of ignoring anything inconvenient, difficult, not immediately personal or threatening. And if you lived like Ursula did, cushioned and not exactly ignorant, but in a well-ordered, well-off world, nothing felt personal or threatening. Well, nothing except Leonie.

‘You’re making a lot of assumptions about my beliefs and my life.’ Erica’s not making eye contact, and her tone seems too mild for the conversation, as though she’s placating her child, or her child-husband.

‘Maybe,’ Vee says, ‘but you’re clever. And clever people usually care about the world.’

‘You think because I didn’t make a placard I don’t care?’

‘That’s not what I’m saying.’ Well, not exactly. ‘But I can’t imagine living without protesting.’

‘You see? This is what I mean.’ Erica’s hands are on her hips and her voice is still quiet, but it’s angry now, and a little sad, too. ‘I did a PhD and worked part-time through most of my twenties. Then as soon as I got my first university teaching job, my mother became ill. I did what I could for her. She died. I was dealing with her estate and clearing her house while I was planning my wedding. I was pregnant while I was putting the proposal together for this. It seems like a long time since there was one thing that needs my attention. So no, I have never been on a march. Neither has Marcus. But he’s on the PTA and we give money to charity and we are really, really trying to be good people in the world. Doesn’t that matter more?’

‘More than equality for half of the world’s population?’

Erica looks up to the ceiling. ‘Of course we need feminism, I wouldn’t have proposed this exhibition otherwise. We need to look back to look forward. We need to understand. But we need compassion, too. And, if it makes you feel any better, things are hard.’

Vee feels something twist in her. It’s a relief, almost, to feel emotional instead of physical pain. She nods. ‘I’m sorry, Erica. I shouldn’t judge.’ She has patience; she should try for compassion. It’s not as though she’s never been misunderstood.