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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

‘I’m not sure. I’ve read The Women’s Room.’ Vee starts to search her memory for what she thought about it. She remembers it was a fat book, and she read it on a flight to Kuala Lumpur, when she was on the way to Australia to photograph Barry Humphreys as Dame Edna Everage for the Spectator. She thinks she might have got bored somewhere in the middle of the story. It had definitely made her glad to be single.

But Leonie doesn’t want to talk about The Women’s Room. ‘Well, if this’ – she nods downwards – ‘is a girl, I’m going to call her Erica. After Erica Jong.’

‘Who?’ Vee definitely knows the name. Leonie narrows her lips, her eyes, somewhere between impatience and disappointment in Vee’s failure to keep up. ‘She wrote Fear of Flying. Which I gave to you when it came out in 1973. And you definitely didn’t read it, because I found it in the flat when you moved out. It hadn’t been opened.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Sure you are.’ Leonie leans back, and says, as though she’s delivering a great punchline, ‘If you’d read it you’d know I’m calling this kid Erica because she is a result of a zipless fuck.’

Vee almost asks whether she knows who the father is, but she doesn’t trust herself to do it without sounding prim. Instead, she offers, ‘I can help you to find an adoption agency. If you like.’

‘Thanks. But there’s no hurry. I’m going to talk to my sister. She might be useful for once in her life.’ Ursula, organised and serene, seems to Vee to be exactly the sort of person to deal with adoption agencies on Leonie’s behalf. The responsibility for Leonie that was starting to descend on her dissolves.

16 May 1979

16 May 1979

Pimlico, London

Vic Whistler asked for the shoot to be at his home, and Vee agreed, not least because she’s been asked to shoot DJs at work before and the lighting in a radio studio is not impossible, but it’s not easy. Small, sealed, dark-ish spaces are a pain to light, even if you like using flash, and there’s never enough room for the kit. So she’s done shoots outside the buildings, with the signs in the background, and there have been interruptions and distractions, plenty of them, not least from the young women who see DJs as some sort of accessible pop star. It’s taken twice as long as it needs to, and she’s gone home feeling ragged and unsure about what she’s got. There’s always been a good photograph in there, but she likes to feel more certain.