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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

The athlete is holding up a medal, letting the crowd praise her – how strange it is to see a woman taking credit, still – and when the noise dies down she starts to tell a story. It’s about abuse and fear, about so many men in authority taking what they shouldn’t, and that quiet sneaks over them all again, as they listen. Vee hears enough to be horrified – so many of these stories, and yet instead of becoming inured to them, hearing each makes all the others sharper, more bitter and more sad. But at the same time she is watching, capturing a face with tears running down it here, two women with their arms around each other there, a woman who has put her placard down and is leaning against it a little way behind her. It says, in haphazard capitals, ‘PROTESTING THIS SHIT SINCE THE 1960s’. Vee takes a photograph which includes the placard, the slump of the woman’s spine as she rests, the concentrated look on her face as she looks towards the stage. They might have known each other, back then.

Even though she’s only watching, at a fraction of a distance, not bellowing and showing her fury like the women she sees in front of her, still she is part of this purpose, less conscious of her body, mind full of now. She assumes that she has a headache, still, but she really cannot tell. As speaker after speaker takes the stage, she focuses, winds on, watches, waits, and feels outrage and sorrow and strength seep into her. Her own preoccupations seem like nothing, here. The chants are getting more ragged edged and sustained, the noise level creeping up and up. The police horses seem more restless, one in the corner of Vee’s field of vision stepping from foot to foot, stretching its neck and raising its head as though trying, also, to get free. Vee turns the camera to see if she can find a shot. There is tension starting to string its way through the air now, binding everyone in the space. This is how it goes, sometimes. The protesters are primed, ready for action: that’s how it needs to be. But it is best if they go home primed, and start to take that energy out into the world, making changes. Leonie called it ‘delayed amplification’ and she was the queen of it. When she used to speak at meetings, in the early days, she could send their sisters home bursting with purpose and intention. They would come to the next meetings full of reports of what they had done: bosses challenged, legs unshaven, MPs questioned, dinner dishes left, unapologetically, for someone else to wash.