‘I wanted it. So much. We had a plan. At first it was for Lina, or I told myself it was. But I wanted it too. More. People keep asking me what I want, and I say I don’t know but I do.’ I blinked, not sure if I was still talking about New York at all. ‘I bought a ticket. I was so close, and then—’

‘Caitlin …’ Soft.

‘After the accident, I stopped sending them, put them away. I didn’t go. I couldn’t get in a car, never mind on a plane. But I still want it so much.’

I put the postcard down on the bed. I hadn’t realised it until I’d said it, but it was true. ‘I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I know you’ve already been, and it’s probably not a big deal to you.’ ‘Caitlin,’ he said again. ‘It is a big deal. It’s okay.’

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I wasn’t ready for any of this. Maybe I was still dreaming. Maybe it didn’t matter. I stood up, looking around, looking everywhere but at him. ‘Should we go?’ I asked.

‘Cait.’

I ignored the tone of his voice, grabbing my phone from the bedside table and putting it in my pocket.

‘Caitlin.’

He kept saying my name, and he was still standing in the doorway, so eventually I had to acknoweldge him. That or climb out the window. ‘What?’

‘It is a big deal.’ He stepped closer. ‘And I’m glad you told me.’

I bit my lip.

‘You have no idea,’ he said. But for once, maybe I did. ‘I’m really glad.’

I nodded, felt tears.

‘Cait, I—’

‘Come on,’ I said, wiping my eyes and moving around him out of the room, before I did something stupid. ‘Let’s go for a walk.’

We walked up the beach, along a dirt road that took us inland, past a small village and then another, then along a trail into some rainforest, more green and lush than anything I’d ever seen. We wound our way up a hill, feeling the heat, the thickness of the air. The clouds had come over and the palm trees above formed an endless canopy but still I felt myself turning pink.

He was quiet. We both were. He seemed to be waiting for something, and I was just trying to remember how to breathe.

‘So how are you going?’ he asked, after a long time. ‘With the ending?’

I thought about it for a minute, trying to figure out how to answer. ‘I’m getting there,’ I said slowly.

He nodded, didn’t say anything.