‘I moved there after the accident. It was only supposed to be temporary, because I was going to die, so it didn’t matter.’ I laughed softly. ‘I can show it to you if you want. But we’ll have to walk, because …’

I didn’t want to finish the sentence, and I knew I didn’t have to.

‘You’re right about Dex. It was a long time ago.’ I frowned. ‘It was stupid. I—’ I shook my head. ‘It wasn’t important. It felt important at the time.’ The time. The date. ‘I was having a hard time and I just wanted to feel—’

Something. Anything.

‘I didn’t come here at first, not for a few months. My doctor gave me a pamphlet and I thought it was ridiculous. I thought it would go away. It did, a little bit. Enough.’

Enough that I could get a job, enough that Lina left me alone, stopped looking at me like she pitied me, like I was pathetic. And the days ticked by. Christmas. New Year. February.

‘But then it got worse. So I started coming here. There are nurses and we talk about it and it—’ I closed my eyes, saw Frannie’s. ‘I thought it was helping, keeping me safe. I thought as long as I kept coming here, I was okay.’

Frannie. Geoff. Carlos. All of them. Just sitting there. Waiting.

‘I was careless. One time. I did one thing. One stupid, ridiculous, horrible, selfish thing, and someone died.’

‘What did you do?’

I didn’t answer. It didn’t matter. ‘I’d always been careful. I’d been so careful. My whole life. For years and years. I’d been so careful and then the one time I wasn’t …’

‘Cait.’

For a moment I’d almost forgotten Tom was there. His voice was soft and so, so sad. When I looked up his eyes were huge, defeat pushing down his shoulders. It hurt to look at him.

‘So now you know.’ I turned away.

Everything hurt. Everything had fallen over and broken as it hit the concrete. Shattered. Broken plates. Broken glass.

‘I was being careful. Coming here. It was helping.’ I shook my head. ‘I can’t believe you followed me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He stepped forward.

‘I wanted to tell you. I’ve never told anyone.’ I gestured towards the door. ‘Not even in there.’