When my alarm went off the next morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I rolled over and pressed the snooze button. My head ached, but not as much as the dull ache in my heart. There was a quiet knock on the door before Maa walked into my room. She sat on the corner of my bed, running her fingers through my hair the way she used to when I was a young boy. I sat up in bed, knowing she was going to suggest I take the day off work. The truth was, I didn’t want to get up today, but I had a big presentation I couldn’t miss. Swinging my legs out of bed, I kissed my Maa on the head. Telling her I was fine, I walked to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, trying to bring down the swelling under my eyes.

In the kitchen, Maa had made me tea in a flask to take on the way to work. Instead of the train, I took the bus that day; I couldn’t risk running into Sakshi. I hung around outside when I arrived at the office, trying to avoid Rishi. I pulled out my phone, opening the news page to distract myself. A hand landed on my shoulder; a hot cup of coffee seemed to hover in mid-air. Rishi came into view, and the look on his face told me he already knew about what happened the night before.

‘You okay?’ He looked at me with the same knowing look that Maa gave me.

‘How did you know?’

‘Your Maa texted me this morning, asking me to look out for you today. I put two and two together after that.’ He lowered his gaze.

‘How do you date a man knowing you can never be with them?’ I asked, a little more angrily than I should have. ‘How, Rishi? She played with my heart for months!’

Rishi nodded, listening to me without interrupting. Unlike Maa, he didn’t offer advice. Instead, he listened until I couldn’t talk anymore. Then, finally, he spoke. ‘You’re going to be fine, Ashray. I won’t tell you she didn’t deserve you because she was a special girl, but there will be other special girls, and one day you will find one that is prepared to fight for your love.’

Finally, what Maa had said the previous night made sense. I stood up from the bench, and with Rishi’s strength next to me, I got through the day.

17. JHANVI

17

JHANVI

Destruction. The kind that only you can prevent or the type only your behaviour can provoke. A downward spiral, an annihilation you could have prevented if you decided to. If you chose to take a second to breathe, to think, but you didn’t; you thought you couldn’t, and now, in the aftermath, all that is left is wreckage.