‘How am I supposed to say no, Ashray? Look at this schedule, all these people who want to work with me.’

‘It’s quite simple: en-oh. No.’ It wasn’t that simple, it never was. Saying no meant rejecting people, pushing them out of my life, and that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? Part of me being detached. ‘Jhanvi, look at me,’ he said, as he squeezed my hand. ‘When are you happiest? When you are taking photos? When you are posting them? When you are with Kavya, me, your family?’ I thought about it for a moment, but I knew the answer.

‘When I am with my friends and family,’ I answered.

‘Do you know why?’ I shook my head. ‘Because you are present. You are here with us. With people who care about you. All of this,’ he waved the phone in my face, ‘it’s just noise. Smoke and mirrors that give you the illusion of happiness. A temporary high that just so happens to put food on your table. You have to learn to detach from it. You have to understand that it is no different from my nine to six job. Do you understand?’ I lowered my gaze, knowing that what he was saying was true. ‘Come on, get up. Kavya has made us something to eat. I told her I was starving when we spoke earlier,’ he said.

‘Could we lay here just a little longer,’ I said, not wanting this moment with him to end.

He swung his legs onto my bed and put his arm around me, kissing the top of my head. I put my head on his chest; I felt safe. We lay together like that for a while, not saying anything, his words playing over in my head and his heartbeat soothing my pain. It felt like an eternity, those few minutes that we lay in my bed, but the moment he made a move to stand up, it also felt like a fleeting second in time. He patted his legs, and I laughed at him. Swinging my legs out of bed, I stretched, and then we walked down the passage where Kavya waited for us.

‘Hi,’ she said gently.

‘Hi,’ I replied, smiling at her, appreciating her for being in my life.

34. KAVYA

34

KAVYA

When someone you love is in pain, it transfers over to you. An intangible thread of hurt that binds the two of you in an unspoken truth. That truth is that no one can ever fully heal without accepting help from others, and accepting the need to be whole once more.