‘Jhanvi, you have to stop this. I thought you were dead. You and I have so much we still need to do. So many dreams. You have to talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be us, but it needs to be someone. Please.’ I couldn’t answer her, I didn’t know how to open up. My mom stood up, sensing that I needed privacy to say everything that was pressing so heavily on my heart. My dad followed suit and the two of them left the room. I looked at Kavya, wanting her to understand that the words I was going to say to her were sincere, not another attempt at avoiding an argument with her.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said as I reached for her hand, ‘for everything. For the way I treated you, what I said, for lying to you. I just …’

She shook her head, not wanting to hear anything more. I knew she had forgiven me long before I blacked out, before I even messaged her, asking to talk; but I needed to say the words.

‘Kavya, I can think of a million reasons why I should not be an influencer, a million reasons why this life isn’t for me, and they all revolve around what I could do better. How I could possibly be better. But none of them is you. You keep me grounded, and as stubborn as I am, you always push back.’

‘I know,’ she said, ‘but you can still do this healthily, Jhanvi. Show people, young girls, that perfection lies in the imperfect.’

‘I am sorry to interrupt, but she needs her rest, and visiting hours are over.’ A young nurse stood at my door, warmth radiating from her smile. Kavya nodded before kissing my head.

‘I’m going to go home and shower. I’ll be back tonight, okay?’

I nodded and managed a smile. They left the room, the nurse closing the door behind her. Kavya was right, I could come back from this in a healthy way; I could prove those girls in the bathroom wrong.

I saw that my phone was on the cabinet next to my bed. I started it up and took a photo of the IV in my hand, making sure to have the hospital bed in the background. I uploaded the photo to my social media.

#notdrunk #actuallysick #hospital #dontbelievelies

I hit the post button.

24. ASHRAY

24

ASHRAY

There are moments in our lives that change us irrevocably; these moments come without warning. Sometimes they are avoidable. Other times, it is a cruel throw of the dice.