Perfection, the art of striving to have no flaws; it was what society expected of us, and it is the unreal life portrayed in every publication, on every billboard, on every social media account. Anything less than perfection could not be accepted in this world; my world. I sat down on the floor and closed my eyes. I thought tears would come, but they didn’t, they couldn’t, because perfection demanded that they stay buried deep inside of me. Sleep was fitful and barely worth the effort. Walking through to the bathroom, I turned the light on and looked at myself in the mirror. My life was perfect, I told myself determinedly.

22. ASHRAY

22

ASHRAY

Life is fluid, ever-changing; a fleeting moment, as Maa used to say. Everyone who enters your life must leave it eventually. How you choose to spend your time with them is entirely up to you. These were the words she used to say to me when my feelings of abandonment bubbled to the surface. Her words pulled me out of the darkest times of my life. Perhaps that was why I insisted on loving everyone that I allowed to enter my life. Part of me always knew the day would come when they would leave; but not so soon, not this way.

‘Ashray, come and sit with us a little bit,’ Maa called me from the kitchen into the living room. I was reading about my newest prospective client, formulating a plan. Laughter filled our little apartment. Part of me didn’t want to give this up. Our apartment was cosy, it was my childhood home, but Maa needed this, and I needed it to prove to myself that I was better than what Sakshi had done to me.

‘Coming,’ I shouted from the kitchen. Rishi’s words were inaudible, but Maa’s laughter was heart-warming.

‘What is this clown saying that is so funny?’ I said as I walked into the living room. The two looked at me guiltily before laughing again.

‘Rishi was telling me about your first flight,’ she told me. ‘My boy, you have always been so nervous about taking a step forward, but when you do, you fly.’ She almost swallowed the last word, realising too late what she had said. Rishi bent over laughing, and I couldn’t help but join them. I sat on the couch next to Maa, patting her hand as we composed ourselves.

‘So, tell me more about your plans for the apartment,’ I said to Maa as she wiped away a joyful tear.

‘I cannot wait to plant some chillies in the pots outside,’ she said. ‘Do you think that we can put a table and chairs out on the main balcony?’ I nodded, knowing that she was thinking about having dinners like this outside.

Rishi was on his phone typing a message, but my Maa didn’t seem to mind.

‘Your girlfriend?’ I asked as he put his phone in his pocket.