Chapters (95)
- Front Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Contents
- Video #1
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Video #2
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Video #3
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Eighty-One
- Eighty-Two
- Eighty-Three
- The Final Video
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Back Cover
My mouth starts moving. It feels disconnected from my brain, and the words just fly out. Maybe this is how Olivia feels all the time…
“How can one video do that? How can one video cancel everything Chloe and I did together? Like the time we went to her grandparents’ cabin by the lake? Or the hours we spent talking? The time she sat up all night with Livvy and me when our dog died? The fact that we…that we had started…”
Their faces stare back at me. Hector. Cameron. Natasha. All looking, mouths open. Concerned. A little freaked.
And a couple of people at the table behind us have turned around to gawk as well.
I lower my voice.
“How can anyone know what goes on between two people? It’s none of their fucking business.”
My friends’ faces are full of pity. No one wants pity. Not at all. And I don’t feel any better after my little rant. I feel worse.
At that exact moment, Chad comes walking up with Hannah. As usual, he looks happy and carefree. And for no good reason I’m mad at him, probably because he wasn’t there when this whole conversation started. So as soon as he reaches the table, I say, “Where the fuck have you been? I thought you had something important to tell me.”
Chad keeps his cool. Only Hannah’s face shows any surprise. Her mouth opens, and she looks at me and then at Chad, her blond hair pulled back off her rosy cheeks. But she doesn’t say anything. And no one else does, either.
It’s Chad who finally speaks. “Okay then. Why don’t you and me take a little walk?”
Nine
We walk out of the cafeteria side by side, both of us as quiet as monks.
I’m quiet because I owe Chad an apology. He’s quiet because he knows me well enough to know he just has to give me a little space sometimes. He’s one of the few people who gets that. Olivia does, too.
And so does Chloe.
Outside it’s sunny enough to make me squint. There’s an area of picnic tables and benches where we’re allowed to hang out when the weather’s nice. That’s pretty much where Chloe and I started dating. We’d known each other through Ex Libris and had even been talking and texting for weeks. But I saw her out there one day, sitting alone, reading Macbeth for class, and I walked up and said, “Spoiler alert, it’s not a happy ending.” And, thankfully, she laughed. We went to Blue Door Coffee after school the next day, supposedly to discuss our Ex Libris submissions, but we talked about everything else. Our families, our dreams, what it would be like to do something other people couldn’t forget. That was pretty much that. I didn’t want to be with anyone else.