Chapters (95)
- Front Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Contents
- Video #1
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Video #2
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Video #3
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Eighty-One
- Eighty-Two
- Eighty-Three
- The Final Video
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Back Cover
When we both calm down, Olivia takes the pillow away from her face. “I can’t believe you lied so well. You’re turning into quite the criminal, big brother.”
“That’s what I hear,” I say.
“Oh, Hunter, I was just kidding. You know I don’t really think that.”
“You and Dad might be the only ones.”
“And Chad. And Hector. Even obnoxious Cameron.”
“I guess you’re right.”
Olivia points to my stomach, changing the subject. Before we came inside, I had tucked Chloe’s journal into my pants and pulled my shirt over it in case Dad was waiting for us.
I pull out the journal, expecting it to glow like the Holy Grail. Instead, it’s just a regular Moleskine journal. Nothing special. The kind of thing anyone could buy in a bookstore. It feels as light as a feather in my hands.
“Are you going to read it?” Olivia asks. “You’d better.”
“Yeah,” I say. But my voice is kind of low and distant. “I guess I’d better open it.”
Again, I’m hyperaware of the problem. Digging into Chloe’s personal thoughts without her knowing. Maybe I should just take it back. Or lock it up.
“You should do it alone,” Olivia says, standing up and stretching. “I have homework anyway.” She goes to the door. “But if you need anything, let me know.”
“I will.”
She pauses at the door. “You did ruin one thing for us tonight.”
I look up. “What?”
“You told Dad we went to McDonald’s. I haven’t eaten, and now if I do, I’ll blow our cover.”
She laughs when she says it. I smile, too.
“Thanks, Livvy.”
“See you, brother.”
And then I’m alone with Chloe’s journal. Her thoughts.
Her secrets.
Fifty-Seven
My hands shake. A faint tremble like a leaf in a light wind.
I flip open the journal, starting at the beginning.
Chloe’s familiar large script, the one that decorated silly notes and “just because” cards she’s given me over the past seven months—ones that told me she loved me or wanted to kiss me—fills the pages. Just seeing her handwriting gives me a lift, a touch of her essence spilled across the pages.
The first entry is from July:
I’m really going to keep this journal. I’ve tried before, and it never worked. I didn’t stay with it and stopped writing after a few weeks. I’m hoping this time is different since this can be a way to practice my writing. And a way to put down all those things too weird to share with anyone else. But I know myself. Sometimes I’ll write things and then just tear them out right away because it’s so bad.