Chapters (95)
- Front Cover
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Contents
- Video #1
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Video #2
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Video #3
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Eighty-One
- Eighty-Two
- Eighty-Three
- The Final Video
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Back Cover
Disappointment courses through me like cold water. Chloe and I were dating when she started this. We were close when she started this. We told each other “I love you” every day. As many times as we could. We shared everything.
What did she have to put in her journal that she wouldn’t share with me?
A few days later:
The most amazing night with Hunter last night. Under the stars and under a blanket in Ryan Park. I’ll never forget it. I love him.
That night. We went to a movie, alone. And then the park. It was late, so the park was closed, and we were in danger of being chased away by the cops. Unlike me, Chloe didn’t worry about being caught. She grabbed the blanket and spread it on the ground. We stared at the stars for what felt like hours, identifying the constellations. My full attention shifted to her, and now I wish the moment had consumed me the whole time. That I’d never let one second slip by without appreciating being with Chloe.
The pages flip by. Chloe says she loves me. Chloe says she cares about me.
Nothing is wrong…
Then, an entry in which Chloe talks about the future:
God, when I think about all the work ahead of me and trying to get into a good college—the kind of college Mom and Dad want me to get into—I just really don’t know if I can do it. It’s like a giant weight pressing down on my shoulders every day. Sometimes I just want to quit everything and go away.
She felt a lot of pressure from her parents to get into a great college. Preferably Ivy League like Harvard or Penn. If not those, then the University of Chicago or Vanderbilt. But she seemed to handle it with ease. She made jokes and rolled her eyes. More than anything, she just kept doing the work. Everybody knew she’d get into a good school.
But is it possible it all became too much for her? Did she crack in a way no one would ever have thought? Not even me?
Did she use the accident to run away?
A fist pounds against my bedroom door, and the journal falls. It’s an angry knock. Louder even than Olivia’s.
They’re here. Chloe’s parents figured out what happened in the house and called the police.
Forget graduation. Forget college. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Do not pass Go. It’s prison for me.
“Come on, Hunter. Open up.”
More knocking, lighter this time.
It’s Chad.
Fifty-Eight
I stuff the journal under my mattress.
Olivia is out in the hallway, leaning against the wall, and she and Chad are staring each other down and exchanging insults. As usual.
“I need to tell my dad to call the exterminator,” Olivia says.
“That’s so sweet, little Livvy.”
“Don’t call me that.”