I haven’t been here since the weekend Sophie died. I put her on the counter in the kitchen and survey the place. It is just as it was when we were here last. Like a moment had been frozen in time. I think of that day and the night before as I wander from room to room. I have no idea how many people have stayed in the cabin during the month and a half since then. Dozens, maybe? Yet I can still feel Sophie as if she’s just left the room. I can smell her. It unnerves me a little, and I return to my car to get my bag and essentials.

Maker’s, of course. It’s five o’clock somewhere, as they say.

I’m not a fancy drinker, but I am a drinker who likes a half-good whiskey and isn’t willing to pay for something better. I pull at the red wax that surrounds the neck of the bottle. I taste that first splash over ice.

Sophie, I think, I brought you back here because I can’t think of a better place to say good-bye forever.

The whiskey burns a little. I like the burn. I drink more.

I’ll use the same little rowboat that Aubrey and I took out the day Sophie was taken. I don’t have anything to say as I deposit her ashes in the canal, but in case anyone is watching, I’ll probably linger over the dust as it settles downward into the deep blue of the water. Maybe I’ll mouth something. Or if someone is close by, I’ll cry.

The surface of the water is an amplifier.

I sit on the couch and peer through the slats of the blinds at Hood Canal. The old wavy glass sends a thousand stabbing shards of light at me. I don’t care. I look anyway. Facing up to what happened is necessary in order to truly let go of the past.

As I face my phone, I carefully consider whether I should text Lee again or not. She treated me badly in that fucked-up interview, that’s for sure. But she’s my only conduit for information on Sophie’s case. Can’t believe that after Jim Coyle there’s been zero activity. That I know of anyway. As I sit here and look at the water, I can only half blame Lee’s chilliness on her partner, but, Jesus, she shouldn’t suppose that, just because of my mistake with Carrie, I’m capable of killing Sophie. Has she forgotten everything else about me?

I drink some more and then send the message.

I know you were just doing your job.

A second later she answers.

Right.

I sip more whiskey.

You know me at my core, Lee.

I do, Adam.

Anything new on the case?

Working it, Adam. Will never stop.