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Back Lying Next to Me Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CONTENTS
  5. START READING
  6. CHAPTER ONE
  7. CHAPTER TWO
  8. CHAPTER THREE
  9. CHAPTER FOUR
  10. CHAPTER FIVE
  11. CHAPTER SIX
  12. CHAPTER SEVEN
  13. CHAPTER EIGHT
  14. CHAPTER NINE
  15. CHAPTER TEN
  16. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  17. CHAPTER TWELVE
  18. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  20. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  22. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  23. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  24. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  45. CHAPTER FORTY
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  54. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  55. CHAPTER FIFTY
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
  62. CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
  65. CHAPTER SIXTY
  66. CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
  67. CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
  68. CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
  69. CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
  70. CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
  71. CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
  72. CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
  74. CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
  75. CHAPTER SEVENTY
  76. CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
  77. CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
  78. CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
  79. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
  80. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
  81. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
  82. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
  83. CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
  84. CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
  85. CHAPTER EIGHTY
  86. EPILOGUE
  87. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

But, honestly, I don’t know if that’s true anymore. I don’t know if I can keep this marriage going when all that I want feels like a goddamn perpetual failure. Connor is a good man. But we could divorce, and I could tell people that it was because he just couldn’t keep up with me. He was a waiter, for God’s sake. I could say that I outgrew him. I could. That’s a pretty easy sell. It wouldn’t matter that the reason is that I failed him and seeing his face every day is a reminder that two people really don’t make a family. I don’t care what couples with dogs say. Dogs are great. However, fur babies are not children.

I’d be happy to take that to a jury anytime.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

CONNOR

I watch Kristen take her multicolored cocktail of hormone and fertility pills with her morning coffee. Her blond hair is damp from the shower, and despite her wearing not an ounce of makeup, I doubt that there is a more beautiful woman on the planet. Sometimes, in moments like this, I wonder how I could have even looked at another. She lifted me up from nowhere and set me down carefully in this life.

She gives me a smile.

“Never give up, Connor. Everything will be all right.”

I don’t know if she’s thinking of getting pregnant or if she’s telling me that I’ll be all right.

In any case, I am grateful.

When Kristen’s gone to work, Iron Chef America comes on, and I watch it with the volume low. Chef Micah Reynolds at the Blue Door has tried three times to get on the show but has never made the cut. He’s a nice guy and very talented. But part of me wonders if he has what it takes to get to the next level and become a competitor against the likes of Bobby Flay and Masaharu Morimoto. Just because you want something, doesn’t mean it’s yours. I never believed in “Name it, Claim it.”

Micah and his wife, Sarah, were having similar fertility issues too. I didn’t know it for the longest time—not until I heard him say something to her about basal temperatures. I’d been around restaurants all my adult life and knew that wasn’t a cooking term. Kristen and I were in the muck and mire of the same thing.

One night after work, when the staff was gone, Micah and I were drinking a little as we shut down the place.

“I feel your pain,” I told him.

He looked at me with his famously hooded eyes. “How’s that?”

I probably shouldn’t have brought it up. It was personal. But I did anyway.