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Back Lying Next to Me Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CONTENTS
  5. START READING
  6. CHAPTER ONE
  7. CHAPTER TWO
  8. CHAPTER THREE
  9. CHAPTER FOUR
  10. CHAPTER FIVE
  11. CHAPTER SIX
  12. CHAPTER SEVEN
  13. CHAPTER EIGHT
  14. CHAPTER NINE
  15. CHAPTER TEN
  16. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  17. CHAPTER TWELVE
  18. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  20. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  22. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  23. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  24. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  45. CHAPTER FORTY
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  54. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  55. CHAPTER FIFTY
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
  62. CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
  65. CHAPTER SIXTY
  66. CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
  67. CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
  68. CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
  69. CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
  70. CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
  71. CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
  72. CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
  74. CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
  75. CHAPTER SEVENTY
  76. CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
  77. CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
  78. CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
  79. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
  80. CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
  81. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
  82. CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
  83. CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
  84. CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
  85. CHAPTER EIGHTY
  86. EPILOGUE
  87. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

“You’re the cop you are because of what happened to you back then. You feel the pain that a victim feels, and you use all of that to fuel everything you do on the job.”

I take that in. He’s reaching, but it’s a kind gesture.

“And the bad?”

“I’m not a shrink,” he says. “I don’t even believe in them. But I can give you what I think.”

“And what’s that?” I ask, letting the coffee go down my narrowing throat. “What is it that you think?”

“That there’s a part of you that is still stuck back there at the end of Tamarack Lane,” he says. “That you survived all of that, but you never let go of it. It clings to you, and it messes with your head.”

My eyes stay on the water. “I thought you weren’t a shrink, Montrose.”

“You know,” he goes on, “I’m not. Been to one or two. Never really worked out for me. This is just two people talking here, okay?”

“Two people,” I repeat. “Fine.”

I don’t say anything more as another gull drops another shell on the rocks right in front of us. The white fragments scatter, and the gull drops down to eat the oyster.

Finally, after what must have been the most annoyingly long pause, I speak up.

“You might have something there,” I say, albeit reluctantly. “I think there is a part of me that was left under those branches when I was twelve. I think of me—that girl—and I wonder how it was that I was so stupid not to see what Hodge was up to when he first struck up a conversation that morning.”

“You were only a kid,” he says.

“I know,” I say, now looking right at him. “But Cathy Rinehart was a young woman, and she made a mistake. Sophie Warner, she did too. They all experienced that split second when they knew there was no way out. Like me, getting in that car to see kittens.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

KRISTEN

A toilet has more uses than one might imagine. There are the obvious ones, of course. But as I sit here with the pregnancy test wand in my hand, I think of the toilet as a kind of gulag where I wait for an answer that eludes me month after month. I hold no doubts: I’m being tortured on that gulag toilet. No one can help me. No one can save me. I’ve put myself here, and I’m full of regret about it.