I give him Frank’s information. Everything I know about him. Helen too. I give him Aubrey’s birth date. He asks for little details as I lay out my hopes for Aubrey. Parents with education and some means. I’m giving her up. I’m not throwing her to the wolves. None of this is her fault. He takes down every word.

“Giving up your child for adoption is huge,” he finally says, now treating me like some teenager who got knocked up by her older boyfriend. He’s using his preacher’s voice now, all calm and composed as if I could be persuaded somehow.

“I want you to think about it over the next few days, and then we’ll get together and finalize how this will work,” he tells me. “After that, we’ll meet with the prospective parents. You want this an open adoption, right?”

“No,” I say. “I want the new parents to be the sole parental figures in Aubrey’s life. If she wants to poke around the Internet in twenty years or so to find me, that’s fine. That will be up to her. I’m not going to confuse Aubrey by hanging on and playing part-time, half-assed father figure.”

“But Aubrey is not an infant,” he says. “She’s three. She knows you are her father.”

“I know what’s best for her.”

Dan Jr. gives me a nod that indicates understanding, but I seriously doubt it. I gave the same headshake in a meeting at SkyAero when I wanted the damn thing to end so I could get on with more important things. Like anything other than what that slutty boss of mine was talking about.

“I just want you to think about it,” he says.

“I have,” I say. “Long and hard.”

“Fine.” He puts his notebook away. “Why don’t you come back in a week? I’ll sleep better and be a stronger advocate for you against the Flynns if you agree to some time to process what we’ve discussed. It’s a lot. You’ve been through the wringer. Let’s not make a mistake.”

Look, I know the world will hate me for what I’m thinking as I return to my car for the drive back to the house. But it is true. I don’t want to raise Aubrey without Sophie. Sophie was a good mom. She was the better half of our parenting. No doubt. I’ll give her that.

I dig a little deeper for the truth. It’s below the surface, but I can access it all right. It’s always on my mind, but it is something I could never verbalize to anyone. Not a trusted friend. Not even my lawyer.

Seeing Aubrey is a reminder of the worst betrayal my wife ever perpetrated on me.

And the worst thing I’ve ever done.