It was a beautiful dream. I was crying rivers and she came to me and put a hand on my cheek, watching me with mercy. We didn’t say a word. Only exchanged caring glances and touches of understanding.

I regret rejecting her even now. I was stupid to run away from the only thing that would’ve stopped my grief.

Leaving home was just a defense mechanism that only made me sink further into agony. It’s only now, after three years, that I realize trying to escape from things will never put an end to them. You must face them no matter what.

So, yes. I understand why he’s doing this, and I know what a mess he is now. I just wish I could be there to comfort him, but again, I was the same and never accepted anyone’s help. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t needed.

The thing is that I never came back and I’m afraid he might not either. And that scares me more than I’d like to admit.

I’ve grown attached to him and knowing how hard I worked to let him into my life will make letting him go even harder. Elias is not someone I should let walk away. But I have no right to stop him. He needs to do things on his own.

Even though there’s a chance he won’t come back, I’d still be at peace with it if it helped him get through this grief. Although, that’s not possible, anyway. You never truly get over losing someone you love.

You just get used to it. Their smell fades after a couple of months. After a year you can’t hear their laugh anymore. And soon enough, their features aren’t as clear as they once were.

Of course, you don’t forget them, but the memory will never be as strong as having them there with you. And that hurts. It hurts so much that you only visit their grave when something important happens in your life. Not even when it’s their birthday, because it’s painful not to have them celebrating it with you.

And the hardest thing is that it’s never going to be the same without them.

CHAPTER FORTY TWO

ELIAS

Never in my life have I imagined it would be this hard to leave a girl. Indigo is not just a girl, she’s the woman my sister chose for me, she’s the one whose smile lights up a room.

My plan was to wake up and have a chat with her about how I’m feeling. I failed at that. By a long way. I just couldn’t bear to tell her I’m leaving when all I want to do is stay in her arms. Leaving isn’t something I want to do, it’s something I need to do.