I take back what I said. This is totally her fault.

“Really?” I try to act surprised, which I am, but it’s not a happy-surprised feeling, it’s more like you-are-dead-surprised.

I unlock my phone, letting my parents enjoy the news while I text my annoying sister.

Me: Are you out of your goddamn mind????

I feel she is looking at me, so I stare right back, willing her to reply.

She sighs.

Livy: I know.

Livy: Let me talk to her, okay? I got this.

CHAPTER NINE

INDIGO

Enya points her finger at the TV. “Put that on pause and go walk Thory,” she says.

I shake my head. “I’m waiting for Olivia.”

“Take her with you, then.”

She steps away, not giving my words any importance. It’s clear she’s giving me no option.

Since I agreed to talk to Elias and get out of my comfort zone, she hasn’t stopped forcing me to do things she knows I hate.

Like calling to order pizza.

Hate that.

Hate that so much.

This week has been jam-packed with work-on-myself stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary for most people, but challenging for me.

Each day ended with a good crying session and an uncomfortable warm feeling. That scares me too, but I think it’s just what happens when you try your best. Not that I’m at my best version, because I don’t think I’ll ever be, but it feels rewarding.

As the days pass, the feeling of knowing I did something good is stronger than the anxiety. Barely, though. They have a knife at each other’s throats and are waiting for me to decide on which one I’m going with.

Sometimes anxiety wins.

A good example is when the delivery man rang the doorbell and I obsessed over the ways I could screw up something trivial.

Enya had to get it.

Had a little breakdown.

Cried because I thought I could never do this.

Ate some pizza with salty tears.

It was pretty refreshing.

Apart from the moments when the over-thinker in me isn’t the one taking over, things have gone pretty well.

Elias is a contradictory element in my life. He’s the one causing most of my uneasiness, and at the same time, he’s the reason I get to do something towards achieving my goal.

And that is to be fucking normal.

He’s easy to talk with, though — not that I do much of the talking. He doesn’t invade my privacy like most people do (his sister included), and lets me be. In my own rhythm.

Even though Olivia is nosy, I must admit she’s the main reason I got to push my limits. I’m not grateful at all at the moment, but there’s a chance I’ll be thankful for it when it’s all over.