PLAYLIST

Half A Man - Dean Lewis

Locked Away - R. Cit, Adam Levine

Mine - Bazzi

Be Alright - Dean Lewis

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

You & Me - James TW

Outnumbered - Dermot Kennedy

When You Love Someone - James TW

Need You Now - Dean Lewis

Say Love - James TW

Better Now (Acoustic) - Etham

Where Do We Go from Here - Caleb Hearn

This City - Sam Fischer

Robin Hood - Anson Seabra

Hard Boy - Frawley

Mind Is A Prison - Alec Benjamin

AUTHOR’S NOTE

This book is not for everyone and I said that to myself and everyone before even writing it. This involves many emotions and maybe there are a lot of you that can’t understand them (which is completely fine) and I wanted to let you know that before you started.

I’m begging you to check the Trigger Warnings I have on my website.

Check out authormaevehazel.wixsite.com for more details.

Dedication

For my grandmother, Maria.

I did it, Grandma. I’m living my childhood dream. Hope you’re proud of me and that you’re smiling from above. Miss you every day.

PART ONE

CHAPTER ONE

INDIGO

Hugging a tree hurts more than I expected. Hugs are about comfort and warmth, but this is the polar opposite.

My left cheek is glued to the trunk, scratched and raw from the bark, as my arms circle the width of the tree. The funny thing is, despite the discomfort, I wouldn’t have let go if it wasn’t for the sound of someone coughing awkwardly behind me.

I release the trunk and turn around, praying to God this conversation will be over before it starts.

“Blue?”

Almost like a natural reaction to hearing that voice, my eyelids close shut. Suddenly, the decision to come out doesn't feel like a good one anymore. The cold seeping through my layers of clothing was enough to make me think that, and a fifteen-year-old girl mocking me only confirms it. She might be the only human presence I tolerate, but I can’t imagine how any part of this situation can be anything other than weird for both of us.

With a sigh of resignation, I peel my eyes open, only to have a smiling face greet me. I groan internally, not one for exchanging pleasantries. She lets out a muffled laugh, trying to hide it with her hand.

“Am I interrupting something?” she teases, scratching her nose.

I grunt in response, brushing mulch off my arms and cursing under my breath. “Yup.” I chew on my bottom lip and my body slides down the trunk until I’m sitting on the ground. “It was pretty great until you came.”

Without an invitation, she makes herself comfortable beside me, a sympathetic smile on her face. The blonde-haired girl tugs at her earlobe, sizing me up.

“What’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen better days.”

I scoff at her remark, taking a second to elbow her in the ribs. She pushes my arm away before it makes contact and grins, as if declaring a small victory.

As much as I hate her probing, she isn’t wrong, I’m just not in the mood to get into it. So instead of responding, I shake the question off.

“What about you?” I ask her right back, eager to get the focus off me.

“Nope, don’t even try to change the subject right now. We’re talking about you.” Olivia lifts her brows and points an accusatory finger at me.

“How about no?” I inspect my half-chewed fingernails and avoid looking at her, conscious of how well she reads me.

I make the mistake of stealing a glance at her, just to see her green eyes bore into mine. I feel something unravel in my chest and I let out a long sigh before responding.

“Not sure.” I shrug as I stare into the distance. “Something feels off with Mushroom.”

She takes a sharp breath, undoubtedly affected by it. Realizing it was a rude awakening that knocked me off my feet. Awakening to the possibility that your most treasured childhood memory and sense of belonging may go to rack and ruin isn’t a regular occurrence.

The tree is the reason why Olivia and I are friends in the first place. I never could’ve anticipated it and that’s not because I’m six years her senior. It’s just a result of never truly wanting people around.

Nevertheless, she’s not the type of person to leave you alone. She simply forces herself under your skin and never gets out. She clings to everything you love and does her best to fall in step with your life. Something Olivia did with me. She broke into my life and decided both me and my tree needed a name.

She calls the tree Mushroom, because in her eyes he looks like one, and if I’m honest, I’m starting to see it too. And I’m Blue because, well, my name is a color close to blue. Plus, her desperate need to have a nickname for me.

At first, I opposed the suggestion. I’ve never named anything in my life, and I didn’t see the point of doing so, but Olivia has a way of wearing me down, giving me puppy dog eyes I can’t refuse, so I eventually just stopped protesting.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, pity wandering over her features.

Her expression stays pinched like that for a brief moment until relief settles, turning her lips up at the corners.

“My brother is a tree therapist,” she blurts, widening her eyes at the realization.

I take a second to register her words, and the moment they do, my brows knit in confusion. “A tree what?” I ask, inclining my head, waiting for her to repeat it to see if I heard her right.

Olivia laughs at my bewilderment, having fun at my expense. She brushes a few stray hairs off her face.

“I’m being serious.” She draws closer to me, her expression becoming determined. “My brother could help us.”

A tree therapist doesn’t sound real. Not even close to it. I’ve lived for twenty-one years and have never heard of one. This is absurd enough to make me question her sanity.

“So, you’re telling me your brother is a tree therapist? What are you going to say next, you shit rainbows or something?”

She gives me an unimpressed look. “Blue, I’m being real. Trust me with this one,” she pleads. I press my fingers into my brow bone, trying to ease the tension away. The effort is in vain.

“Okay… I’m listening.”

She lets out a relieved sigh that makes her shoulders drop, satisfaction settling on her features.

Too quick for me to step back, Olivia’s hands firmly grip my shoulders in a hug. Instead of prying her away, I stay as still as a statue. Liv is unbothered by my inability to respond to affection. She just backs away, grinning.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

That’s a thing she does. Says one thing and does something entirely different. Sometimes her inability to see things through bothers me. However, it’s a big part of her and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I frown. “Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it.”

She whirls around, her backpack bouncing on her shoulders. She pulls up her jeans, tightens her jacket, smooths her blonde hair, and waves before racing off.

I don’t stop her this time. I just watch as she leaves, abandoning me in the back garden of the house that used to be my grandmother’s. A place she never planted flowers in and left open for me to play when I was a kid.

As I sit up, an icy blow of air escapes my lips. Thanks to Olivia, I’m stuck with a question that will annoy me all night: are tree therapists a real thing?

CHAPTER TWO

INDIGO

He actually exists and he certainly fits the bill, if you can believe it. Narrow mouth, prominent Adam’s apple, sharp cheekbones, and unruly light brown wavy hair that contrasts with his sparkling green eyes.

He’s standing tall next to his sister, hands in his jeans pockets. I give him a passing glance, not wanting to show any interest. He may look like someone I would’ve had no trouble sleeping with a year ago, but I’ve had that crossed off my list for quite some time.

I move towards them, deciding that it’s best to leave my rudeness at the door, considering he might help Mushroom.

When I come to a stop in front of them, Olivia grins in the creepiest way possible, while he warmly smiles and extends his arm for a handshake.

I do the same, minus the smiling part.

“I’m Elias,” he says, breaking the silence as his hand seizes mine.

I nod, hiding the discomfort I feel under his stare. “Indigo.” As soon as the word leaves my lips, I take my hand from his grasp.

Olivia hugs me, and I pat her on the back. I expect him to say something about my unusual name or my eyes, but not a single comment about them slips from his mouth.

Instead, he says, “Well, let’s see what I can do for you.”

As Liv rushes off to the tree, leaving the two of us alone, I gesture for him to follow. He lets me take off first and then falls in step with me, his strong scent invading my senses.

“Livy really loves this tree,” he adds, keeping his gaze forward. “I really appreciate you letting her come here.”

The guy throws a quick glance my way, but I only shrug, hoping the gesture will communicate that I don’t mind her presence.

After we round the corner of the house, I peer at him to gauge his reaction. He doesn’t give much away. Only stands there, his massive shoulders filling the coat he wears as a swathe of wavy hair falls casually on his forehead.

The moment suddenly feels so personal. I only know Elias as a stranger, yet here he is in a place so intimate to me.

Elias mumbles something, drawing close to Mushroom. He lowers himself to the ground, gently touching the trunk with his fingers, running them along the bark in a slow back-and-forth motion.

I look at his sister, then back at him, utterly confused. Olivia shrugs, making herself comfortable beside the tree.

“He’s a dragon blood tree, native to Arabia. I think you can understand why he’s not doing well?” He looks up at me, waiting for a reply that most likely won’t come.

Arabia? I mean, I’d never seen this kind of tree before, but I didn’t think for a second that he wasn’t from here.

I remain silent, not knowing what to say anymore.

I feel guilty for not being more invested.

“This kind of tree usually lives in a harsh environment.” Elias stands up, watching my childhood memory-keeper as if it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen.

“What’s your diagnosis, doc?” Liv asks, mocking her brother.

Elias takes a deep breath, scanning the tree from the roots to the wilting branches at the top. His muscular hands are resting on his hips as his fingers tap a beat that only he can hear. I can sense Olivia holding her breath, waiting for the verdict.

“It’s not like it’ll disappear or anything.” He sizes it up and licks his lips. “But he’ll look less… alive.”

I exhale loudly then mutter curses as I pace back and forth, not sure who to hit first. It’s either me because I wasn’t more careful, Elias because he dashed all my hopes, or Olivia because she brought him.

As I’m marching around like some sort of freak and Liv is still looking like she saw a ghost, her brother pats Mushroom like a great old friend.

“He still has a few good months left.”

Like that makes it any better.

Despite my best efforts, I can’t help but think about what I could’ve done to make things better and I didn’t. It always happens this way: you only come to terms with how badly you treated someone or something when there’s nothing left for you to do to make it right.

I sigh. “Alright. Thank you for your help.”

I know without looking at my watch that I need to leave to get dressed up. I wish more than anything to stay home and watch a movie or read a book instead of going there. It’s not possible to hate something more than I hate having to make an effort for my mom.

Elias rises, brushing his pants before touching the trunk of the tree. “You’ll be okay, buddy.”

I gaze at Olivia, trying to figure out why her good-looking brother is chatting with a tree. I mean, I do too, but never in front of others.

“You all right?” I ask, concerned.

He turns his head, surprised by my question, then he pats Mushroom again before stepping away. “Yeah, speaking with plants really helps,” he says as we walk toward the front of the garden.

“E is trying to make tree therapy a real thing. Well, you’re his first client.” Liv laughs a little too hard.

Smiling is her armor, and I can’t blame her.

Elias pulls her gently into his arms and kisses her on the forehead. She relaxes, a small sigh escaping her lips.

“I needed to do a lot of investigation, and it’s really hard to convince people that something they’ve never heard of might work.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I utter. I get where he comes from.

He nods, circling a strand of Olivia’s blonde hair on his finger. “I’m sorry to be the one to break the news.”

Liv kicks my leg with her shoe, and I roll my eyes at her obvious hint.

I nod. “Thank you.”

“E, do you think we can stay a little longer?”

“We should go home.”

“Please?” She gives him those puppy eyes, and when he looks at me for a yes or no, I know he’ll lose the battle.

I bob my head as a seal of approval, and the noisy one hugs me as hard as she can. When she finally lets me go, I take a step back, knowing I have to hurry.

“Thank you, Indigo,” Elias says as I walk away.

I turn back and smile in response, then walk into my house. I head straight into my bedroom, the floor littered with stray clothes. I push them out of the way and get ready for the night.

Let the show begin.

CHAPTER THREE

ELIAS

“What are you going to do?” Livy asks as I inspect the tree again.

I’ve never seen this kind of species in person, but I’m familiar with its existence. What’s fascinating about it is the resin is red, making it look like blood when you cut it. This only proves plants suffer as much as people.

“About what?” I raise a brow and sit up, ready to go.

My sister straightens, brushing the dirt off her clothes. She looks one more time at her beloved friend, then kisses him. “About Ava.”

I sigh. Long story short, Ava is my ex-girlfriend who I lived with in Boston for three years. And my parents kind of think that I’m in town just to visit them, not because I’m actually moving back.

We always used to come together to my parents. Ava loved them, and Mom and Dad loved her too. They were pretty taken aback when I got home by myself and there was no Ava in sight.

I’ve never in my life lied to them. They overwhelmed me with questions, so I told them the truth: Ava and I broke up five months ago, living separate lives in the same house until I finished practice with a well-known doctor. The doctor is from my university and is basically a plant savant.

I told them the reason Ava and I broke up was because she realized that we were not right for each other. And then their faces dropped, and I panicked.

That led to lies flying out of my mouth before I could stop them. I told them I’d met someone else. And if it couldn’t get any worse, I lied about her visiting.

Next Sunday.

My goal is to forget about it until I have to come clean, so I shrug off Olivia’s question and hug her tightly instead. I’ve missed the kiddo so badly. It’s been a while since I was home.

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “Unless I suddenly wake up on Sunday with a girlfriend, I’ll have no other choice but to tell them the truth.”

She nods just as Indigo’s door swings open, revealing the woman herself in a long black dress with a daring neckline and a cut that accentuates her lean legs.

Indigo has a slim, wild beauty. Shapely thighs, rounded hips, and dark hair that hangs in long curves over her shoulders. She’s a beautiful woman. And special. Any man with half a brain could figure that out.

“You could ask Indigo,” my little sister suggests, grinning at the idea.

I open my mouth to object, but the person in question shouts something to someone called Enya, distracting me.

She notices us. “You can stay a little longer if you want, but I just need to be somewhere like—” she checks her expensive watch, “now.”

I shake my head and put my hand on Livy’s shoulders, leading her back to our SUV.

“Do you need a ride?” I ask Indigo.

“Nah, a cab should be here in a minute.”

We walk past the open gate to our vehicle. I unlock the door for my sister, then give her the keys so she can get the heating going.

I turn back to Indigo to say goodbye, but my plans change once my gaze settles on her trembling body.

Shaking my head, I step toward her, taking my jacket off. She looks surprised as I put it on her shoulders. I back away a little, watching my shoes like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. In reality, it’s just a way to stop my stare from wandering over her legs.

“I’m sorry for being the one that killed your hopes. I can see how much the tree means to you.”

I peer up at Indigo, straight into her eyes — one blue and one gray. Although heterochromia isn’t new to me, you can’t compare photos with reality. It’s my first time seeing it and I can’t describe how beautiful it is. How different.

She agrees with me with a slight bob of her head.

“Well, I should get back.” I jerk my thumb at the car. “Is it a problem if I come back tomorrow to run some tests?”

“No,” she says, her gaze fixed somewhere behind me. “You should bring Olivia too. I want her to spend as much time here as she can.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, finally backing away.

“Right back at you.”

That makes me smile. She did thank me a couple of times in the past hour, but what makes it funny is that my sister was the one pushing her to do it. Olivia has always been respectful. I’ll give her that.

I lift my gaze at the exact moment Livy opens the window and sticks her head out.

“Blue!” she yells, getting her friend’s attention. “Are you free on Sunday?”

Indigo thinks for a second before responding, “Depends.”

I don’t need a genius to tell me why she’s asking that. I bolt to the car, praying to God to get there and cover Livy’s mouth before she says something stupid.

“Because E needs someone to—” I clasp my hand over her lips and she bites. Hard.

“Shut up or I’ll hide Bunny.” The yell-whisper works, and she stops her gnawing. I call out to Indigo, “See you tomorrow!”

I don’t even turn to see her face. All I do is hurry, afraid my sister will blurt out something else if we don’t leave quickly.

Olivia loves her plush bunny, even though she’s old enough to distance herself from it. Dad gave it to her when she was a baby. But she loves torturing me even more.

Once I get into the car, I start the engine. Olivia waves goodbye and I do too, driving away.

“Why not ask Indigo?” tries Livy. “Just think about it. She’s perfect.”

I sigh, not wanting to explain why it’s such a bad idea. If I were a kid, I’d probably think the same way she does. Seems like the best option is to keep up with the lie for now.

I’m an adult and that means I should’ve never let it go this far. It’s my fault for panicking, and it’s my obligation to make things right. Not now, though. When the time comes.

“E, please,” Olivia begs, shifting in her seat toward me.

“Do you know what you’re asking me to do? It’s insane, Livy.” I blow out a breath, trying to think how this might even work. “How am I supposed to explain why my girlfriend is not sleeping at the house?”

My parents will expect my girlfriend to spend the night because that’s what actual couples do. They think she runs her own business, which is why she can’t join me this week. And I lied about wanting to tell them first before bringing her home.

What excuse could we use, anyway? Oh, she’s sleeping at a hotel because it’s inappropriate to sleep together under the same roof. Yeah, that doesn’t sound like bullshit at all.

Livy presses on. “Just do it and we’ll figure out the rest together.”

I laugh because there is no way that’ll ever happen.

CHAPTER FOUR

INDIGO

I’m not the cleanest person on the planet. I’ve tried a ridiculous number of techniques to keep everything clean. None of them worked. And mostly because it’s easier to find my stuff when it’s all over the place. I have a way of sorting things.

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