Skipped therapy this morning. Darla has probably spammed me with texts, but I don’t feel like explaining what’s happened in the last few days.

Images of Olivia’s body as it was lowered into the ground flash through my mind. Then I remember how it was with my grandma. The images blur into one. They cause me the same pain.

This is how I felt when my grandma died. No courage to wake up, choosing to stay in bed all day. I don’t want to be that person again. And it’s my job to not let Elias fall into a deep black hole, at the risk of never getting him out.

I sigh, open my eyes, and look at the ceiling. I turn around to hug Elias, only to find a cold and lonely bed. He always wakes up before me, but he never gets up until I do.

Massaging my temples, I get out of bed and look for him. He can’t have gone far. My heart starts to race and I find I can’t breathe properly. He’ll give me a damn heart attack.

I search for him everywhere: Olivia’s room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the garden. He’s nowhere to be found.

As I grab my phone from the nightstand, it lights up with a message from him. I sit down and open the text. There are a few others from my therapist, but I’ll ignore them for now.

* * *

Saturday, 8 AM

Elias: I’m leaving for a few days

Elias: I’ll be back before you know it

Elias: Take good care of Avocado for me and the house xx

Indigo: You can come back

Indigo: So sorry for invading your space

Elias: Stay

Elias: I just need to clear my head a little

Elias: Please be there when I come back?

Indigo: Just come home when you’re ready

I don’t reply to his last text. Not because I’m mad, but because I don’t know what to say anymore. Can’t think of anything that would change his mind and I don’t want to either. He’s an adult and I respect his decision.

The phone stays glued in my grasp for a while, my gaze lingering on the wall.

It’s not hard to understand why he left. Things got too much, too overwhelming. He couldn’t keep up anymore. Everyone and everything must remind him of her. Can’t blame him for wanting some time alone.

I was in his place once, so that’s maybe why I’m not mad at him. When my grandma died, I used to feel her presence everywhere. It might sound stupid, but I wanted to get rid of it. It was morbid and painful, but then one night I dreamed about her.