‘Your bedroom is so tidy,’ I say, looking over his neatly made king-sized bed, his clear bedside tables and the tiled floor that isn’t littered with a scattering of clothing as mine is.

‘I knew the maids were coming to change the bed today, so I made sure all my things were tidied,’ he says. ‘I don’t want them thinking I’m some asshole, leaving my stuff everywhere, expecting them to tidy up after me.’

Oh, why does he have to be so dreamy?

‘Here’s a clean T-shirt for you to sleep in,’ he says, tossing me one over.

‘Thanks for this,’ I say again.

‘You’re welcome. Well, I’ll leave you to get some sleep.’

‘Yeah, hopefully Ali isn’t too noisy to stop us,’ I reply.

‘If they get any louder, I’ll bang on the wall.’

‘That’s probably what they’re doing,’ I joke. ‘They’ll just think we’re joining in.’

My cheeks heat up with the fire of a thousand suns. Why did I say that?

Freddie laughs as he bids me goodnight, before heading downstairs. He’s left me. And you know what I’m going to do now, don’t you?

I slip off my dress, leaving it exactly where it lands. Freddie might be tidy, but I’m not – and anyway, I’ll be putting it back on before anyone sees me.

I take my phone from my bag before climbing into bed and loading up a video. Before I press play, I listen carefully, waiting for Freddie to stop moving around. If I wait until he’s settled and I keep my volume low, he’ll have no idea what I’m doing – plus the cloak of Ali’s multiple orgasms will provide an extra layer of privacy.

I place a finger on the volume-down button, ready to mash it as soon as the video starts playing. It doesn’t take long on the Netflix home screen before I find it… Edge of Eden, Freddie’s movie.

I’ve never been a fan of the so-called ‘mummy porn’ books that have been all the rage for the past few years, so I didn’t bother with any of the big-screen adaptations either. It’s a strange one, isn’t it? Because for me, going to the cinema is such a social activity, and going to see a mucky movie with my mates – even if the sex scenes are acted – is something I can’t imagine doing. And, anyway, why pay for it when my best friend tries to supply me with my fix for free?

I suppose anything is great that gets women talking about sex and being more open about their sexuality. We’re weirdly conditioned to think that sex is for men and that women shouldn’t talk about it – in the same way we’re not supposed to talk about periods, and all we’re supposed to want in life is to procreate. Hilarious, really, given how closely linked sex, periods, and having kids are.

Sometimes you just don’t fancy a movie, not until you bump into and strike up a friendship with one of the leading actors, while you’re on your honeymoon alone. You know, that old one.