I hope…

8

Day 3

I don’t know what hurts more, my head or my stomach.

I open my eyes and immediately answer my own question – it’s my head; my head hurts the most. It feels as if I’ve been hit with a blunt object, like a…

I notice the dildo on the table. It probably would make an excellent weapon, but I think I’ll take my chances without it. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? Other than Ali’s suggestion, I have no idea. I need to dump it somewhere. Perhaps I could put it in the bin, but it’s so big, I’m sure the maid would see it. Best case, I look like a pervert. Worst case, I look as if I’ve had a really big row with my significant other and snapped. I’m not a million miles away from such a spree, if I’m being honest. Daniel is lucky he’s in England and I’m here.

This place is stunning, but with the ocean-facing wall being made entirely of glass, it’s like a greenhouse – even with the terrace door that I forgot to close last night. Once I put the air conditioning on, I’m sure I’ll feel much better but, right now, the heat is making me feel sick.

I look at my phone. It’s 10:30 a.m., and it’s so warm already so I kick off the towel that I’ve been using as a blanket all night.

From where I am I can see my private pool, glistening in the sunshine. I’ll bet the water is so lovely and refreshing right now. Maybe a swim would make me feel better. It would definitely cool me down and it might even distract me for a bit. Then maybe I’ll be able to get some work done.

I wonder what one of my strong, female lead characters would do in a situation like this. Something liberating, to show what a strong single woman she was. Like, I don’t know, taking all her clothes off and jumping into the pool, like a sort of baptism before she started her life again, a much better version of herself.

I wish I had the guts to do something like that. I can’t even imagine how good it must feel. Thinking about it, I do have my own private pool. There’s no risk of indecent exposure, no one to see my bloated tummy after all the crap I ate yesterday… I can have a ‘strong woman’ moment if I want one. You know what, I think I will. Balls to it. I’m going to do it and it’s going to feel amazing.

I take off my tracksuit and my underwear. As I pull my hoodie off, I realise just how big my hair is. I must’ve looked so funny last night.

I hover by the sofa for a moment, staring at the pool, trying to talk myself into going for it, because I’m definitely getting cold feet.

But, really, why wouldn’t I just do it? I’m going to do it. Yes, I am. I’m going to do it right now. I’m still standing here though, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.