‘Hilarious,’ Marty replies. ‘You know, I thought it might work, make you think that Freddie was a bit of a bad boy, but as clients go, man, he’s a bit of a nightmare.’

‘Gee, thanks.’ Freddie laughs sarcastically.

‘Nothing wrong with him, he’s a great guy, but… as far as a client goes…’

‘I’m boring,’ Freddie spits out. ‘That’s what he’s trying to say. I’m a boring guy. I have no crazy exes. I haven’t had any wild affairs with the actresses or models he tries to set me up with. I’m just a dull guy who likes to watch movies and play video games and occasionally star in the odd BDSM movie.’

‘I mean, that last part doesn’t sound boring at all,’ Ali chimes in. ‘But, if it helps, the fact that there’s a complete lack of information about you out there – no skeletons, or exes, or skeleton exes – it may well be because you’re just a dull, average, normal guy. But to people like me, you seem mysterious. It makes me wonder about you. Question what dirty secrets you must be hiding.’

‘Is that good for business?’ Freddie asks Marty.

‘Erm, I guess, yeah,’ he replies. ‘I’d rather have people wondering whether or not you were into swinging than know you spent evenings on Red Dead Online.’

‘Then I’ll take it,’ Freddie says happily. ‘Another toast. To being boring.’

‘To being boring,’ I reply, clinking mugs with him. ‘It’s always served me well.’

‘Well, now we get to be boring together, don’t we?’ he says.

Gosh, I hope so.

37

‘You know, I think we might be lost,’ I tell Freddie as I look left, then right, holding my compass out in front of me, as though I even have a clue what I’m looking at.

The final round of Mr & Mrs Valentine Island is a treasure hunt, following clues around the island, picking up more clues, moving on to the next.

Each couple has a different set of clues so that we can’t simply follow each other around if we’re struggling. That means this round can only be won on hard work and teamwork alone, but the competition is much smaller now, we found out earlier. There is just us and two other couples left. For reasons undisclosed, Daniel and Eva have dropped out. And do you know what the best part of all is? I don’t care. I’m not bothered about beating them any more. All I care about is having fun with Freddie, and making the most of my last proper day on the island.

It’s proving to be a nice distraction for me, from ‘the talk’ – the one I’m going to have with Freddie later, where I tell him exactly how I feel about him and hope he doesn’t laugh in my face. Of course, he won’t laugh in my face though; he’s too amazing. That’s why I can’t imagine him being as into me as I am to him.