Oh, the anger is rumbling inside me, just looking for a way to come out. You know what, a massage is exactly what I need.

‘A showmance sounds like fun,’ I tell him.

‘Showmance? I like that,’ he replies. ‘Want to go for one now?’

I hesitate.

‘You need to hold your head high,’ he tells me. ‘You deserve much better than him, and she’s got nothing on you.’

‘All right, fine, let’s go,’ I say with an awkward smile. ‘You don’t need to bombard me with flattery. I’ll go get ready.’

‘OK, cool,’ he replies. ‘Shall I open the curtains?’

‘Sure,’ I say. I’m ready to face the world now.

Freddie opens the curtain to reveal Daniel and Eva in the pool outside. His movements catch their eye, causing them to peer inside. Freddie gives them a big smile and a wave, which Daniel ignores, but Eva reciprocates so eagerly she falls off her lilo.

I can’t help but smile – at all of it.

Freddie turns around and gives me a wink.

‘See,’ he starts. ‘This is going to drive him mad.’

15

Usually I’m pretty good at thinking things through. I might not be the most organised, or have the best ideas, but I do think about things and try to do my best.

Take my wedding – well, my attempted wedding – for example. I did absolutely everything I could to make sure that the day went well. From the seating plans to the food, to the location. I thought it through.

The same goes for my house. I could’ve insisted that the first room we decorated was my office – that’s what Daniel said we could do, when he convinced me we should put in an offer. But then, when we actually moved in and realised we had to live there, I put my office on the backburner in favour of having a decent kitchen and bathroom – because I can write on my laptop anywhere, but I can only use the bathroom as a bathroom, right?

I feel as if these examples were decisions and plans I made with a clear head and a positive mindset. They were all for the bigger picture, to make the rest of my life better.

Today, I don’t think I thought things through, but today I wasn’t thinking about the bigger picture.

Blinded by a need for revenge and a desire to enjoy the finer things of the island, I decided to couple-up with Freddie. In theory, this is a win–win situation, because I get to make Daniel jealous, and enjoy a massage.

In practice, I cannot believe how little I have thought this through. I’ve been after a massage in the hotel spa for days now, and with Freddie by my side I can actually get a couple’s massage… but therein lies the problem. Freddie is by my side, right by my side.

All I thought about, regarding the couple’s massage, was that I could have to be in a couple to get one. What I didn’t consider was that a couple’s massage involves us both being massaged at the same time and, so that we can be massaged at the same time, we are lying side by side, absolutely starkers.