‘Yes,’ Matteo continues, his enthusiasm not waning, not even for a second. I’m not entirely convinced he’s heard of the show from his reaction, but he seems excited. ‘It’s our job to find couples to take part. You guys want to play some games and maybe win some prizes?’

We don’t all rush at once.

‘Prizes?’ Ali prompts.

‘Yes,’ he replies. ‘Surprise prizes.’

‘Hard pass,’ Ali says, as she pours the remainder of a bag of crisps into her mouth. ‘Surprise prizes are probably not worth it.’

Matteo and Zoey stare at us expectantly.

‘What kind of games?’ Eva asks.

‘Fun games,’ Matteo replies.

‘Some rounds are about how well you work together as a couple, doing physical tasks. Others are based on how well you know each other – it really is a lot of fun. It’s a big event – not everyone wants to take part, given that it takes place with an audience, but everyone loves to spectate these things.’

‘Let’s do it,’ Eva urges Daniel, yanking on his hand like a little kid.

‘Ha,’ I can’t help but blurt.

‘What?’ Daniel asks.

‘Sorry, I just… I’d be interested to watch you two taking part in something that required knowledge of each other, given the, erm, underground nature of your relationship.’

Zoey shrugs and smiles. She clearly has no idea what I’m getting at.

‘So shall I put your names down?’

‘Yeah, put us down,’ Daniel says. ‘We’d do better than you two ever could. You’re basically strangers.’

‘Ooh, fighting talk,’ Zoey says. ‘Are you going to take that from them?’

I realise she’s talking to me directly. I’ve taken much worse from them.

‘Sign us up,’ Freddie says.

‘Really?’ I squeak.

‘Really,’ he replies. ‘I think we’ll be good at it.’

Daniel wasn’t wrong, Freddie and I are basically strangers… but, I don’t know, I suppose it could be fun?

‘Yes, sign us up,’ I say.

‘All right! A friendly rivalry,’ Zoey says. ‘So, the first round is tonight…’

As Zoey explains how the competition works, and takes our details, I almost feel sorry for her. With myself and Freddie, and Daniel and Eva taking part, this rivalry is going to be anything but friendly.

21

It turns out that everyone is pretty excited for Mr & Mrs Valentine. Participating couples will be taking part in a series of events over the course of this week. It seems as if there’s always some kind of event going on here, to keep guests entertained. I’m not sure if there was a better or worse time to be here, but it doesn’t sound too bad. Only a certain number of couples progress to the next round, which means that by the time you get to the final event, only the best of the best are left. I can’t imagine Freddie and me, or Daniel and Eva being crowned the best, not when we’re competing against conventional/real couples, but if we can just get further than our rivals…

Freddie seems excited. He says he’s been so bored and lonely, after being holed up in his apartment so long, before coming here to be even lonelier. I suppose, at least when you’re feeling lonely in your own home, you’re surrounded by your own things. Not that things can keep you company, but familiarity can, to an extent. Here, though, surrounded by no one he knows and nothing he recognises, Freddie must feel it even more. I think that’s why he’s clung onto me as tightly as I have him. I’m like a project for him, someone he can take care of. And now we’ve got this competition.