‘No, what you heard was what happened after,’ she admits. ‘It’s the only real way I know how to cheer men up.’

I feel better, seeing my cheeky friend rear her head. I worry so much about Ali because she’s not as tough as she seems. This bravado is all an act, to try and stop herself from getting hurt. She’s fashioned herself as some sort of man-eater to give herself a fail-safe, so that if things go pear-shaped or if someone tries to break her heart, she has this shield, this out – she acts as if she doesn’t care, but she does.

Ali made me swear that I’d never tell anyone – in fact, she made me swear I’d never so much as privately think about it again – but one night a few years into our friendship she confessed something to me: that she was married. I damn near spat my cocktail all over her when she told me, and I’m pretty sure she only told me because she was drunk, but she had been married and divorced by the time she hit her mid-twenties, and the reason is her husband cheated on her. That’s why she puts up this front now; that’s why she didn’t want me to marry Daniel. She isn’t a fan of marriage because she thinks it’s the biggest mistake she’s ever made. For her to have hit it off with Marty like this, she must feel something strong.

‘Okay, then, feelings expert, what do I do about Freddie?’ I ask.

‘Talk to him,’ she tells me. ‘Tell him how you feel. I’ll bet you anything he feels the same way.’

‘Hmm,’ I say thoughtfully.

What have I got to lose by telling him? If I don’t say something, I’ll always wonder what might have happened if I were only brave enough.

I can’t do it right now because we’re off for the birthday brunch I had no idea about, and I don’t want to ruin our chances in the competition this afternoon… Maybe I’m stalling, but maybe I just need a little more time to prepare myself.

I’ll do it, tonight – hopefully after we’ve won Mr & Mrs Valentine Island. I will tell Freddie how I feel about him. If he feels the same, great. If not, well, it’s not as if I ever have to see him again, is it? Not unless I turn on the TV.

36

Before my failed wedding, I knew that I was going to be on my honeymoon for my birthday and I was so excited about it. I wondered what we would do to celebrate, whether we’d go to a restaurant or we’d shop for authentic Italian ingredients before making our own food together. Perhaps we’d go for a walk on the beach or cuddle up under the stars and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Whatever would happen, I was excited for my first birthday as a married lady. I don’t need to remind you how that played out.