‘No, she isn’t,’ Eva interjects angrily.

‘Okay, we all know I’m not,’ I say, before suddenly becoming aware of our audience. I lower my voice. ‘Let’s just break this up, shall we?’

I help Daniel to his feet before trying to defuse the situation.

‘Look, thank you for letting me know,’ I tell him again.

‘I care about you,’ Daniel says, pulling me in for an unexpected hug. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Eva storm off.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Freddie says.

‘Freddie, why don’t you give us a minute?’ I suggest tactfully. ‘We’ve got that meeting in half an hour. I can see you there.’

I don’t want to say ‘couples’ counselling’ in front of all these people, not that I think they would be surprised. We’ve got our two-on-two session, the second condition of us being allowed to remain in Mr & Mrs Valentine Island after our performance the other day. I was hoping we could get out of it but after our reprise just now I think it’s best we make sure we attend.

‘Really?’ he asks in disbelief. ‘Okay, fine.’

‘I’ll see you there?’ I suggest.

‘Maybe,’ he replies, before walking off.

33

I count myself lucky that Freddie has turned up for our two-on-two counselling at all, although I suspect it might have been better if he hadn’t shown up, as at least then I could’ve made something up (because what’s one more lie, in the grander scheme of things?) and said he was ill or had to take a work call or he’d fallen in the sea. Anything would’ve been better than this.

We’re sitting side by side on a sofa but there’s enough space between us to give the elephant in the room a seat.

Sitting in separate armchairs opposite us are our therapists: Victoria, who conducted the group session, and an American man called Arnold, who we are meeting for the first time. I suppose that makes sense and, with Victoria being English and Arnold being American, it really does feel as if we’re on opposite teams. It’s Team GB vs Team USA.

‘Have you been having a nice time since we last spoke?’ Victoria asks us. ‘How is the competition going?’

‘Well, we’re winning,’ I point out.

‘You don’t seem happy about that,’ Arnold points out. ‘Freddie?’

Freddie is in a bit of a sulk. I get that he feels bad about what happened, and I know that Daniel is a little shit – I’m hardly his biggest fan at the moment – but he did save me. So I’m in a sulk because he’s in a sulk. We’re like two naughty kids called into the head teacher’s office for a chewing out, neither of us willing to admit an ounce of guilt.

Freddie shrugs.

‘Is your ex still causing problems?’ Victoria asks me.

‘Ha,’ Freddie says.

‘Freddie, is there something you’d like to say?’ Victoria asks him.

Up to now, Freddie’s body language has been saying more than he has. Arms folded, legs crossed, body tipped away from me, pointing away from me too.