I look at Freddie. I’m not exactly sure what we’re being invited to but I’m a little bit worried it’s going to involve putting our keys in a bowl on the table.

‘I’m up for it if you are,’ he says.

‘Erm… Okay, sure,’ I reply.

How bad can it be?

‘Fantastico,’ Max says. ‘Gunnar, the island photographer, is going to play. I tell him to bring a woman.’

‘Oh, I cannot wait,’ Ali squeaks. ‘Max says it’s what Mr & Mrs Valentine Island should really be like, but most couples are not brave enough.’

‘Can we play?’ Eva asks.

‘What?’ I hear Daniel say behind me. ‘No.’

‘I’m not sure it’s your thing,’ Ali tells her tactfully. ‘Max says it’s only for adventurous couples.’

‘It’s a sexy game,’ Max says. God knows what that means.

‘We’re adventurous and sexy,’ Eva insists.

‘No, we’re not,’ Daniel replies under his breath.

‘Yes, we are,’ she says through gritted teeth.

‘It’s okay with me,’ Max says.

‘Yeah,’ Ali adds. ‘The more the merrier.’

I’m not sure she means that.

‘Ali, let’s get some drinks in, before the bar closes,’ I say, gesturing for her to follow me.

‘Okay, sure.’

As we walk towards the bar I hook my arm through hers.

‘Do we really have to let them play?’ I ask. ‘I can’t seem to get a break from them.’

‘Is it making it hard for you to crack on with Freddie?’

‘What? No! I mean, that’s not why. I’m just sick of the sight of them. I dislike them both intensely.’

‘Okay, calm down.’ Ali chuckles. ‘No need to get defensive.’

‘I’m not being defensive,’ I say, probably defensively.

I love Ali’s optimism and I admire her confidence, but I’m not her. Men instantly fall at her feet, and if they don’t she lays out something for them to fall over, making sure they do. But I’m not Ali, I’m not charming or confident, I’m awkward and I disguise my shyness with rubbish jokes. Plus, even without the big boobs and the lip fillers and the Botox, Ali is an absolute babe. I’m a little squashy, with these chubby little cherub cheeks when I smile, and I imagine the way I carry myself reflects my insecurities. Ali could pull a movie star, but I can’t.

‘Anyway, don’t worry,’ she says as we carry our drinks back over. ‘Max has told me all about these adult Mr & Mrs Valentine Island. I’m going to help him host. It’s pretty raunchy, Eva is going to lose her shit.’

‘How raunchy?’ I ask from a place of self-preservation.

‘Don’t worry,’ she insists. ‘But me, Max, you, Freddie and this photographer guy… we’re all single. None of it will faze us. Daniel and Eva are a couple though, and a bloody dull one at that. They’re going to bow out and then we can all have fun without them.’

‘What if they don’t bow out?’ I ask, because they do seem hell-bent on proving a point at the moment.