After claiming our victory we grabbed a couple of cocktails and sat down at one of the free tables, waiting for Ali and her hunky barman Max to join us. Ali seems to really like Max, but she really likes everyone in the early stages of lust. Still, if she wants us to meet him then we’re happy to…

I catch myself talking about Freddie as if we’re a real couple and remind myself that we’re not – and thank God we’re not, because if we were then this would be a double date, and we know how I feel about those, don’t we?

There weren’t many free tables when we sat down. Not long after we took our seats, Daniel and Eva sat down at the table next to us. It was still busy when Ali and Max arrived so the six of us are in uncomfortably close proximity. I doubt Ali has told Max what’s going on with my and Freddie’s showmance, so it’s not as if we’d be chatting about it anyway.

Now that it’s getting late, and the bar has nearly emptied, I’m itching to find an excuse to move, or hoping Daniel and Eva go to bed soon – words I never thought I’d say.

‘See, sometimes we do things outside,’ Ali says, a reference to earlier, when I said that she and Max only had things in common when they were horizontal – well, the Ali equivalent of horizontal, because that girl’s legs know the Kama Sutra like the back of her head.

‘I see that now,’ I joke, and then I remember that Daniel can hear us. ‘Us too.’

Freddie leans over to whisper in my ear, covering his mouth with his hand so no one can tell what he’s saying.

‘Don’t look, but Daniel is staring at you,’ he tells me. ‘So I'm pretending to whisper something funny or sexy into your ear.’

‘Oh, my gosh, Freddie,’ I squeak, giving him a playful shove.

I can’t resist glancing over at Daniel to see how he reacts. He looks sick with anger. I can see the beads of sweat rolling down his face from here.

‘Ooh, Max, tell them about that thing tonight,’ Ali says, running a finger seductively up and down his arm. They may be outside, but they’re clearly in the midst of foreplay right now.

‘What’s tonight?’ I ask through a yawn. I don’t want to sound old but tonight is over; we’re heading towards morning territory now.

‘Every year, when we do Mr & Mrs Valentine Island, we do our own version after everyone has gone,’ Max explains.

‘What do you mean?’ Freddie asks him.

‘What he means is that when your lame version is over, Max throws his own after-hours version,’ Ali explains, a glimmer of something in her eyes.

‘He throws his own version of Mr & Mrs Valentine Island?’ I ask, laughing as I try to make sense of why.

‘Yeah, like a fun, spicy version… for the older boys and girls,’ she explains. ‘You two fancy it?’