‘Skip me,’ Jen insists.

‘Eva,’ Victoria prompts.

‘Hmm, well… he’s very generous. He buys me lots of things,’ she replies, sounding a little bit like a kid, talking about why they like their birthday.

‘Okay,’ Victoria replies.

I’m not about to claim that I can psychoanalyse a person who psychoanalyses people for a living, but it’s plain for everyone to see that Victoria can detect the cracks in Daniel and Eva’s relationship. Well, it serves them right. That’s what happens when you try and forge a relationship out of parts of someone else’s. It would be like trying to build yourself a house with whatever is in your shed along with half a stolen caravan. It’s just a messy nightmare that isn’t going to hold up.

‘I like that Eva isn’t a nightmare like some women I’ve dated,’ Daniel says. ‘She isn’t messy, she doesn’t nag me, she isn’t dramatic.’

Eva gasps theatrically.

‘Oh, Daniel, I love you so much,’ she says, closing her eyes as she hugs his arm tightly.

Nope, she isn’t dramatic at all.

‘Okay,’ Victoria says. ‘But try to keep your comments completely positive. Lila?’

‘I love that Freddie does whatever it takes to make me smile,’ I say. ‘It’s like nothing is too much for him.’

We might be here pretending to be a couple, but every word I just said is completely true. I mean, look at him, he’s a movie star on holiday, and yet he’s sitting here in this warm room with me, having counselling, pretending to be my boyfriend, being insulted by Daniel… I can’t believe he’s still sitting here.

‘Lovely,’ Victoria replies. ‘Finally, Freddie… what do you like the most about Lila?’

Freddie looks at me for a moment. As his dimples deepen, I smile back at him. With our eyes we exchange a look that acknowledges how ridiculous this is. I try to apologise to him simply by adjusting my smile, turning my grin into a sort of awkward, constipated-looking gurn, to let him know how sorry I am that he’s been put on the spot like this. I hope he realises.

‘What do I love about Lila?’ he starts. ‘I love that she never gives up on love. After everything she’s been through and how everyone has treated her, you could forgive anyone in her position for losing hope… but not Lila. She’s a brilliant, romantic, wonderful person, and I am so lucky that she didn’t give up on love before she met me.’

‘God, you’re good,’ Kevin says. ‘You guys should get drinks with us.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Jen quickly adds.

‘We’d love to,’ says Freddie. ‘Right, gorgeous?’

‘We would,’ I add, but that’s about all I can say. I’m stunned by Freddie’s amazing reply. I suppose he’s right, I haven’t given up on love, as much as I probably should have. I just wish that everything he said were true because, now that I think about it, I don’t think it’s just love I want… I think it’s Freddie.