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Chapters (38)
  1. Cover
  2. Also By Daniel Kraus
  3. Title Page
  4. Copyright
  5. Dedication
  6. Money
  7. Supermilk
  8. Bugs
  9. My Wiener
  10. Gwendolyn
  11. Midget
  12. Walgreen
  13. Dick Trickle
  14. Scrapbook
  15. Apples
  16. Dag
  17. Love
  18. My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
  19. Moms
  20. Phone Call
  21. Phone Call 2
  22. Punch
  23. Robbie
  24. Natural Light
  25. Flypaper
  26. Kyle
  27. Queen
  28. Fam
  29. Dragon
  30. Walgreen 2
  31. Dick Trickle 2
  32. Feast
  33. Shower
  34. Music
  35. The Fly
  36. My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
  37. Mrs F
  38. Ghosts

Robbie lied so much today he deserves a olympic medal in lying. But he didnt lie about this. He said he was gonna turn out the crib for chemicals and thats exactly what fat boy did. He has it set out in neat rows on top a the sexy calendar witch. Theres a rusted ass can a WD40 that says <harmful or fatal if swallowed>. Bottle a Scotchgard he must a bought back when he had a car. Tube a paste called Kwik Seal Plus that says <this product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer>. Biggest jug of all is labeled Clorox Toilet Bowl Cleaner and even though it <causes irreversible eye damage> I chuck it under the counter to save it cuz Robbies toilet is gonna need big time disinfection later.

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Also Lysol and Borax and Oxi Clean and D Con Rat Killer and Raid Max Concentrated Deep Reach Fogger. Do all adults collect poisonous stuff like a hobby? Once youre grown I guess you spend a lot a time thinking about junk in your life you oughta scrub away. But for a fat boy sitting on the can right now diarrheaing out his last meal its a impressive spread. He did his part. I got to give him that. Time I do mine.

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Bowls. Whered they go? Dang. Theyre drowned in the foul ass sink. Being clean doesnt matter though so I set out each bowl on the table and fill each a them with chemical. It burns. Didnt expect so bad a burn. Eyes are burning and nostrils are burning and lungs are burning and the skin by my fingernails is burning too. The positive side is that the fumes clear my mind better than yoga breaths and now Im floating. Pouring and burning and floating and smiling too even though my teeth ache cold.

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Midget helps unwrap candies cuz thats the sort a stuff is super enjoyable for a young ass child. Then we dip. Dip in, dip out. Doesnt take much thinking. Real simple. Our skin is irritating though so I fetch spoons from the sink to dip more safe. Just like doing easter eggs is what I tell Midge and that makes it funner. I instruct little sister how to do it perfect and she catches on good. She doesnt even fuss much when one a her flypaper flies falls in a chemical and croaks. I fetch us a fork too cuz it helps make holes in the candies so the chemicals soak better. We work it fast. Fast and simple.

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