Barack Obama dances out doing the Monster Mash cuz I figure its humorous but Dags critical reader face doesnt change. She lets me hold the basket like a mans supposed to but Ill be honest. Dags collected so much lethal ass junk it makes my stomach hurt. Shes got rust remover. Oven cleaner. Ant spray. Carpet shampoo. Superglue. Jewelry cleaner. Weed killer. Extremely flammable. Will cause fetal effects. Will inflame lungs. May cause dizziness. Can cause severe burns. Will produce poisonous gas. Flush eyes with cold water. Induce vomiting. Call poison control center immediately. So many hazards my throat clogs up like Im the trick or treater that just gobbled the whole basket.

* * *

I start trying to slow her ass down. Robocop, I dont even know why. But I get super distractionary. Im like <Yo, Dag, wait up, how about this coconut foot creme?> and she shakes her head but I keep on like <Yeah, I know its not that dangerous but smell it, it smells delicious and no kiddies are gonna eat candies that smell like weed killer, you know?> and she takes the tube right outta my hand and chucks it on the floor. I got to fake like Im not shocked and so Im like <Youre right, coconuts gross, its like eating pubes, right?> Dag doesnt even answer.

* * *

Bitch shops so hard I cant keep pace. She doesnt even browse her favorite section even though we finally have the funds to buy the most beautiful Lotte papers ever made. Instead what she does is basket up some personal items for Robbie, deodorant and mouthwash and whatnot, and I think its real thoughtful before I realize theres nothing thoughtful about it. Robbies got to look normal and smell normal or arent any parentals gonna let their juniors accept his treats. Dag understands that stuff cuz Dags a girl. But it itches me. Its cold, man. And colds just not how Dag usually is. Usually Dags emotions zoom all over the room.

* * *

Dag makes for the register and I think about all the other stuff we could buy with Robbies cash. We could buy us a burner phone. We could phone us a uniform, spill the truth totally anonymous so Robbie wouldnt know who told. We could buy a scooter that fits both a us and scooter our asses away fast as hell, forever and ever. Or we could buy bandages and antiseptic and spend Halloween with Moms fixing up her sores and saving her from Judge Mathis and Mario Lopez and not thinking about whats going down on Yellow Street. If you got the cash theres nothing you cant do, nobody you cant help.

* * *