Robbie shoves over all the stuff on the table. Mostly bowls with ants drowned in milk. Next he plops down a fancy basket a apples. Apples? Fat boy, youre crazy. First off, where did you acquire a fancy ass basket? Second, why did you buy like twelve dang apples? Robbie hates fruit. We all hate fruit. Next he plops down this busted up kleenex box that makes a rattle sound. Its been a time since I saw that box but I remember it for sure. Its where Robbie keeps his razor blades for cutting blow. Man, its been infinity since Robbie had any blow. Thats one of the best supermilk ingredients in history. Gets your ass lifted quick.

* * *

When fat boy gets proud he sweats. Barenaked Ladies are clinging to his boobs. He says while the three a us were out lollygagging he hatched a brainstorm. What we should do, he says, is slide these razor blades into these fresh apples cuz think a how difficult itd be to detect. I guess me and Dag are just staring at him cuz he frustrates his face up and says how apples will work best cuz unwrapped candies look suspicious. He waits for our asses to agree but just being honest I dont know. Been a long ass time since Robbie was a child, you know? When I find candy on the sidewalk thats even got bites missing I still eat it. Dont tell Dag, yo.

* * *

Robbie puts a apple in one hand, a blade in the other, and then he takes a minute to reflect on the angles and whatnot. Im about to suggest he tap the blade in with like a hammer but thats when Dag loses her mind. Her fuss over Gwendolyn dont even compare. Shes all bawling and snotting and thrashing. Robbie has a sweet set of NFL magnets I keep ranked accurate on the fridge and just like that Dags arm wipes out the whole AFC North. Steelers and Browns and Bengals flying every which way. She kicks a cabinet and you can hear the mice family inside run off scared. She punches the wall too, right on the light switch so the lights flicker like all a us are in a horror movie and this is when one a us gets macheted.

* * *

Robbies speechless. Yo, me too. Me too, yo. Midget gets herself rightside up and I give her a smile so she isnt scared. Dag gets like this sometime. The girl has deep feelings inside. It makes me wish she had some female bitches for friends cuz female bitches understand how to handle freakouts. Me and Robbie arent skilled on the subject. We stand there like chumps while the light just goes on and off and on and off.

* * *