BooksBarbecue
Back Adults Save as PDF
Chapters (106)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. PROLOGUE
  4. A FEW MONTHS EARLIER
  5. ART SAID
  6. I WALK
  7. THEY SAY
  8. IN THE WINGS
  9. THEY SAY
  10. I POST
  11. THEY SAY
  12. A WOMB OF ONE’S OWN
  13. THERAPY SESSION #1(DRAMATIC MONOLOGUE)
  14. LIKE OF DUTY
  15. PICTURE THE SCENE
  16. I SAID
  17. THE PATATAS BRAVAS
  18. KELLY HAD SAID
  19. SOBER SEXTS
  20. ABLUTIONS
  21. MY BATHROOM SAID
  22. TIPPING POINT
  23. MY MOTHER SAID
  24. I WAS EIGHTEEN
  25. ART SAID
  26. SOMEONE SAYS
  27. A REALLY BAD SIGN
  28. MIA SAYS
  29. I WALK
  30. KNOCKKNOCK
  31. ONE-LINERS
  32. I SAY
  33. THE OUTRAGE
  34. BABY ELEPHANT
  35. ART SAID
  36. MY MOTHER SAYS
  37. HOW I MET KELLY
  38. ART SAID
  39. ART SAID
  40. WHAT LASTS?
  41. BAD STAND-UP
  42. GHOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST
  43. I WOKE UP LIKE THIS
  44. THE MIND CREATES THE ABYSS
  45. I ADORED
  46. ART SAID
  47. YOU
  48. TERMS OF ENDEARMENT
  49. IF
  50. ART’S MOTHER SAID
  51. FULL DESPERATE
  52. MISERABLE PHO
  53. BREATHING FOR ONE
  54. POPULAR PROBLEMS
  55. ON THE BUS
  56. TABS
  57. GRANMA SAID
  58. ALL MY CIRCUS, ALL MY MONKEYS
  59. BURNOUT
  60. THERAPY SESSION #2
  61. IN
  62. APP IDEA
  63. LOOK NO HANDS
  64. HI HI HI
  65. BACK AT HOME
  66. EXHIBITS A AND B
  67. GOOD FAMOUS PEOPLE
  68. MY MOTHER
  69. STILL
  70. LIFE
  71. WE’D GONE
  72. ‘FUNNY’
  73. OUTGROWN
  74. ART SAID
  75. BODIES OF WORK
  76. KELLY SAID
  77. FAKE NEWS
  78. GOOGLE ME
  79. SOCIAL CATERPILLAR
  80. REALLY THO
  81. DEALS WITH STRANGERS
  82. NEWS ITEM
  83. NICOLETTE SAYS
  84. HALF AN HOUR LATER
  85. ASS FIZZ
  86. THAT NIGHT
  87. IT HAPPENED TO HAPPEN
  88. #FROTHEH
  89. MY MOTHER SAYS
  90. THE HEART CROSSES IT
  91. MANCHILD
  92. WHO YA GONNA CALL
  93. NAKED AMBITION
  94. SOHO SQUARE
  95. CHIEF EMOTIONS
  96. SHE SAYS
  97. KELLY SAYS
  98. GENUINE QUESTION
  99. LIFE DRAWING
  100. RELAX
  101. WE LIE
  102. SILENT-ISH NIGHT
  103. THANKS
  104. About the Author
  105. ALSO BY EMMA JANE UNSWORTH
  106. About the Publisher

I stare at my phone. I am happy enough with the photo. I have applied the Clarendon filter to accentuate the photo’s ridges and depths, making the light bits lighter and the darker bits darker. I added a white frame for art. The picture looks – as much as pastry can – transcendental. However, the text is proving troublesome. I’ve tweaked it so many times that I can’t work out whether it makes sense any more. This often happens. I ponder the words so long, thinking how they might be received, wondering if they could be better, that they lose all their original momentum. I get stage fright. The rest of the world has fallen away around this small square of existence. It’s like that bit in Alien 3 where Ripley says to the alien: You’ve been in my life so long, I can’t remember anything else. I used to think it was about motherhood. Now I know it’s about social media.

I stare at the screen.

PASTRIES, WOO! #PASTRIES

Is this the absolute best depiction of my present experience?

I cross out the WOO, and the comma.

PASTRIES! #PASTRIES

I stare at it again. I try and recall the original inspiration; to be guided by that. It’s the least I can do. I interrogate myself. That’s what the mid-thirties should be about, after all: constant self-interrogation. Acquiring the courage to change what you can, and the therapist to accept what you can’t. What is it I really want to say about pastries? How do pastries truly make me feel? Why is it important right now that I share this?

I delete the exclamation mark and stare at the remaining two words. They are the same word. The only difference is that one is hashtagged. Do they mean the same, or something different? Is there added value in the repetition? Is it worth leaving one un-hashtagged, so that the original sentiment exists, unfettered by digital accoutrements? It’s so important to get all this right. I want people to know instantly, at a glance, that this post is about pastries in their purest form. This is Platonic Pastry.

I delete the hashtag so that the post simply says:

PASTRIES.