My mother peeks under the next card and then puts it down flat. She sighs and sits back. ‘Darling,’ she says to Nicolette, ‘I’m not sure these are for you. They just don’t feel right. I’m sorry, something is going wrong. Sometimes the energy interferes with surrounding forces. It could be someone in the next house. These walls are thin.’

‘They’re not that thin,’ I say. ‘This is a well-built, structurally sound property.’

‘It all feels right to me,’ says Nicolette. ‘Keep going!’

My mother turns over the Ace of Wands, then the Page of Cups. She looks perturbed. ‘Do you think …’ says my mother. ‘No, I shouldn’t say.’

‘What?’ says Nicolette. ‘Do I think what?’

‘Well, is there any way you could be pregnant?’

Nicolette laughs. ‘Fucking hell, I hope not! I only sleep with dicks!’

‘Must be for someone else. Sorry, it’s not always clear.’

I feel suddenly sick. ‘Thanks, but we’d appreciate some time alone now to talk.’

My mother smiles at Nicolette and pats her knee. Then her face changes. She and Nicolette hold each other in a gaze that lasts a few seconds but looks like a wondrous sad love. Nicolette jolts out of it. My mother puts the pack of cards in her pocket. She picks up the tray of lemonade and walks to the door.

‘Don’t you think it’s a bit pathetic to stay in bed much longer?’ my mother says.

‘Oh quite the opposite, Mother. This is a vital and bold protest. We’re like John and Yoko.’

‘I’m Yoko,’ says Nicolette.

‘What are you protesting about?’ says my mother.

‘Life! And our experience of it!’ I reply. ‘I have emotional whiplash.’

‘Lifelash,’ says Nicolette.

‘Yes, that’s it. We have lifelash.’

‘Right,’ says my mother. ‘Do you want a gin?’

‘Yes please,’ says Nicolette.

My mother runs off.

‘Don’t let her make you a gin,’ I say. ‘You’ll never get out of bed again. She does all-inclusive-package-holiday measures.’

‘It might help me forget about last night. I had the worst date. I thought it was going well and then he left after half an hour, because he could “just tell it wasn’t going anywhere”. Half an hour! You spend longer than that viewing a house!’

‘How rude.’