Jesse just laughs at me and shakes his head. Staring at him, I struggle to understand his reaction. Is that disappointment in his eyes? I’m not sure, but what I do know is this laughter is masking something. I know him as well as he knows me, I can see it; he may try but he can’t hide from me.

Jesse

My heart is racing and blood is rushing in my ears. Tanner? Is she serious right now … She wants to bring her fuck boy on a double date? I laugh because I have no words; I can’t tell her what I really think. I close my eyes as I shake my head, the next thing I know a pillow slams into my face. Ouch!

“What was that for?” I ask, still laughing. She’s kneeling on the couch next to me now, pillow still in her hands ready to strike again.

“You’re laughing at me! Why can’t I date Tanner?”

“C’mon Kins, even you said he’s just —” I mimic her voice now to take the edge off what I’m about to say. “A little escape from reality.”

“Well,” she draws out. “Maybe it might be more than that now.”

Shit, I wasn’t expecting that, and by her clipped response I can feel her walls coming back up. Quickly, I sit up and close the gap between us, trying to rectify the situation. Removing the threatening pillow from her hands, I wrap an arm around her and pull her close so she’s leaning into me on the couch.

“If you want to date Tanner,” I take a deep breath, hoping she believes the lie I’m telling us both. “I promise to be on my best behaviour.” She looks up at me through her eyelashes, a huge smile wrapping across her face.

“Really?” She beams, sitting up and wrapping her arms around my neck. “Thanks, Jess. I knew you would have my back.”

I’m not sure if she had been pouring pink gin at work or if it’s her shampoo, but the familiar smell of sweet berries consumes me and my chest begins to tighten, I need to get her off of me before she realises how much of a fraud I am.

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, pulling back and grabbing the six pack I brought down to the couch. “Beer? I think we will need one if you still plan on filling me in on that phone call.”

Kinsley spends the next hour bringing me up to speed on the phone call she received on her birthday, before the voicemail which I played in the car outside the cemetery, and the return phone call she received the next day. I rub the stubble on my chin several times, processing all of the information.