Writing today’s date on the white board reminds me how lucky I am that I’m not standing here writing with chalk on a blackboard. I shudder at the thought, even the memory of that sound somehow makes my teeth hurt. I’m pulled from the painful memory, interrupted by children filling the classroom, chairs being pulled out as they take their seats, bursts of laughter while they chatter amongst themselves.

“Morning Mr ‘Dez.” Lucas, one of my grade six students, holds his fist out for me to bump it with my own. I love how they all decided to call me Mr ‘Dez. I would have let them call me Jesse but apparently that can lead to children not respecting you as their teacher. I call bullshit on that. ‘Dez is way better than Fernandez anyway, so I just run with it.

“How’s it going, buddy?” Leaning against the board, I give him my full attention.

“I had footy training last night, Coach said he will let me play ruck this weekend!”

“That’s awesome, Lucas. Make sure you give ‘em hell on Sunday.”

“Oh, heck yeah Mr ‘Dez! I always do!” he says, making his way to his seat.

Sitting down at my desk, I grab what I need to start today’s lesson. Letting the kid’s banter die down a little before getting their attention once again. The grade six boys are AFL obsessed, majority of them play on the weekends and take it pretty damn seriously. It reminds me of when Kyle and myself used to play one memory in particular springs to mind. A memory of a night which was the beginning of a domino effect. One by one, the pieces started to fall. It was up to me to keep the final one standing; and that piece was Kinsley. I knew from that point onwards, I would do whatever it took to keep her out of harm’s way. I may not have been able to save Kyle, but for Kinsley, I’d run straight into the firing line myself if it kept her from getting hurt.

Twelve years earlier …

Kyle and I are getting ready to go to footy when Kinsley comes running into Kyle’s bedroom. We both look over at her standing in the doorway; one of Ky’s old Greenswood football club hoodies on, her intentions of coming with us today being made very clear.

“I’m coming too,” she says, placing her hands on her hips.

Neither of us say anything, Kyle looks at me and rolls his eyes and I give a chuckle.

“Give us a minute, we’ll meet you out front,” Kyle says, and Kinsley leaves the two of us alone again.

Kyle looks at me and I know what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth.

“She can’t know,” he says. “Please Jesse, what we found in that file of my dad’s —”