Tanner reaches out and I take his hand, climbing onto his lap. His hands go straight to my hips, keeping me steady. Holding his eye contact and allowing myself to get lost in his deep blue orbs, the seconds pass before I finally find the courage to whisper my truth. “I’m in love with you, Tanner Hayes.”

* * *

The next morning, I make my way into the kitchen, flicking on the coffee machine and popping on some gentle music for some background noise, before reaching for two mugs. Dad has already left; he’s gone to visit Marie and take Lou-loo for a play. My eyes drift to Jesse’s phone, still on the charger. Picking it up, I power it on.

“Want some company?” Tanner’s eyes stray to Jesse’s phone in my hands.

“That would be nice, but —”

Tanner silences me with a short and sweet peck to the lips. “Whatever Jesse says on there, and however that makes you feel —” he takes my hands in his, “—I’m not going anywhere, it won’t change anything for me.”

His reassurance is comforting because deep down, I am scared. I’m terrified. My head is a mess. All I know is, I loved Jesse in a way no one can ever compete with.

The song switches over to If I Would Have Known — Kyle Hume and we stand frozen for a moment.

“Should I turn this off? I know how music can, well —”

I butt in before he can call me out for playing music on the days I want to feel certain emotions. There is nothing wrong with a dance party to burn off your frustration or having a playlist for when you need a good cry.

I muster up half a smile. “Nah, let the song play.”

Taking my hand, we snuggle up on the couch. I take a big gulp of my drink and unlock Jesse’s phone, bringing up his videos. Sure enough, his bright green eyes are staring at me through the screen . With a shaky hand, I press my thumb to the play button.

“Hey, Meadow.”

A gasp leaves me with the sound of Jesse’s voice and I slap a hand over my mouth. Tanner’s arms tighten around me, keeping me grounded.

“I know you’re angry right now — fuck. I’m so fucking sorry.

I need you to know that I’m doing this for you; we are doing this for you. Kyle made a sacrifice, now it’s my turn. I need to go and finish what he started — I need to bring your dad home.

I want you to know that whatever happens, you are not alone. Kyle chose me and now I’m choosing Tanner.”

Tears well in my eyes and Tanner drops his head against my shoulder.