Tanner closes the gap between us, as I carefully step into the room and out of the puddle of glass and beer surrounding me on the floor. His arms wrap around me and he holds me to his chest. I fist his t-shirt, holding on for dear life because I know that I’m going to have to let him go. He’s not safe anymore.

I inhale his scent, which has become familiar and comforting, committing it to my memory; leather, coffee and spice. I can feel his breathing, it’s faster than normal. Isn’t it funny what you can learn about someone in less than a year? I don’t want to let him go, but now that he knows, he will want to get involved. There is no way in hell I would let that happen. If I had it my way Jesse would be kept in the dark as well, but unfortunately for us both, he’s in too deep.

We stand like this for a while, holding each other whilst my heart violently pounds in my chest. Eventually, he lets go of me and tilts my chin upwards so that I’m forced to meet his gaze. Hurt, pain and a sense of longing lingers in his eyes, and at the same time, I begin building the wall back up, brick by brick; the one he so effortlessly knocked down. This time, though, the wall is going back up to protect him, he may not see it this way, but this is no longer about protecting me.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t want you to find out this way,” I say gesturing towards my mess taking up the spare room.

He runs his fingers through his hair, a telling sign he is uncomfortable. “Do you seriously think I give a shit about any of this, Kinsley?”

I take a step further into the room; everything feels so heavy, with all the weight pressing down onto my chest. I rub my arms, the feeling of bugs crawling over them overpowers anything else I can think about right now. I startle at the touch of Tanner’s hand, he’s resting it gently on my lower back and I turn to face him again as he speaks.

“It doesn’t matter how messy you think your life is, or was, when I said I wanted you I meant it. I want all of you.”