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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

‘Good.’ They chink their mugs together, and Vee turns to the papers. One has a front-page image of the protest, the other a smiling Miss World, with only the briefest mention of the protest in the text. ‘Look at that. And we were part of it.’ The feeling she had yesterday, whatever it was, has stayed in her, moving from her gut to her backbone, making her straighter, stronger.

Vee reads the story, which includes the result, as they didn’t see the end of the show. ‘At least they let a black woman win it,’ she says.

‘There is so much wrong with that statement that I don’t know where to start.’ Leonie play-punches Vee’s arm; bacon falls from her sandwich. Vee shakes her head, laughs at herself. She must get better at thinking before she speaks.

‘Let me have a go. At all the things that are wrong.’

Leonie sits back in her chair, crosses her arms. ‘I’m listening. Redeem yourself, my child.’

‘OK.’ Vee thinks back over what she said, ‘No one should be letting a woman do anything because it takes away her power—’

Leonie nods. ‘Or?’

‘Or implies she doesn’t have any.’

‘Good. And?’

‘And she didn’t win because she was black, or she shouldn’t have done, because skin colour shouldn’t matter, just like sex shouldn’t.’

‘Gender.’

‘Sorry. Gender.’

‘And do you think it’s OK for you to say skin colour shouldn’t matter?’

‘Well’ – surely this is obvious – ‘I would never say it should matter. Because that would be racist.’

‘I mean,’ Leonie says, ‘do you think it’s OK for you to make those judgements? You’re white. There are things you can’t comment on. Like, if I hit you I’m not entitled to say how much it hurts.’

Vee loves these conversations. She has the same feeling she used to when she was a little girl, watching her dad work, him explaining how he was dovetailing a joint. Later, at college, in her first darkroom sessions, she was bursting with that same sparkling sense of understanding how something works. And knowing that all she needs to do is pay attention to be able to do it too.

Leonie tops up their mugs. Her teapot has a knitted cosy. Vee can’t imagine that she knitted it herself. It’s the sort of thing that her uptight sister Ursula might do, from what Vee has heard about her. ‘You said “at least” they let a black woman win. “At least” suggests we’re happy with a minimum. And, winning a beauty contest is not good, because—’

Vee laughs, slaps her hand on the table as though she is throwing down a winning hand of poker, played for spent matches with her dad. ‘Patriarchal notions of beauty!’

‘Exactly, sister. We’re getting there.’

‘Thanks, Leonie. I still feel stupid a lot of the time.’