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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

It’s a crisp day, cold air and quiet, dull sky, and Vee arrives early to the cafe where she’s meeting Leonie, even though she knows Leonie will be late, because she always is. She had parked round the corner from Leonie’s Chelsea flat, and taken the bus to Oxford Street.

It’s cool to sit in a cafe in Carnaby Street – Carnaby Street! – and feel as though she’s in the middle of where it’s all happening, even though the coolest thing is that Leonie will soon be here. Vee is full of fizz at the thought of her friend, and their plans for today. And she’s walked past boutiques that she wouldn’t dare go into, places like ‘Gear’ and ‘Pop’, where the stars shop; just passing the doors makes her feel special.

She’s not special. Not special-looking, anyway. She has taken the odd self-portrait, watched as her face emerges from the chemical bath in her darkroom under the stairs. (Dad says she can convert the spare room, if she likes, now that she’s making a living from photography, but she sends her films away to be developed, most of the time, keeps the little darkroom for mucking about in. She likes the way it holds her younger selves, reminding her of how far she has come.) Looking at photographs of herself, she’s come to the conclusion that she is utterly unremarkable. Nothing is odd or wonky or out of proportion. Nothing like Leonie’s great, straight nose, her too-big eyes. Vee cannot wait to see her friend again.

Leonie showed her, from the beginning, what was possible. The week after they met in Dagenham, Vee sent her the contact sheet of the photographs she took there, after they left the pub. She’d circled the ones she thought were best. Leonie had returned the contact sheet with different images circled, and they were the ones in which she was at least a third profile, her nose not minimised or made smaller by angle or light.

Vee would love to snap the young women at the next table, one in a skirt that brushes the floor, the other in a mini-dress and knee-high boots, as they pour tea into brown mugs and talk in hushed tones about what they are planning for tomorrow night. She almost asks if they’d mind being photographed, but Leonie might arrive at any moment.