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Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

Erica was not surprised, the next morning, to get the phone call to tell her that Veronica Moon had died, peacefully, in her sleep.

*

Marcus puts the sling on over his coat and nestles the baby into it; Tom says he wants to walk, because he’s too big for the buggy.

‘Do you want to do this on your own?’ Marcus asks. He already has a hand out to Tom.

‘I think so,’ Erica says, ‘I won’t be long.’

‘Be as long as you need to be. We’ll go and throw sticks in the river,’ he says, and then, kissing her on the forehead that’s accessible under her hat, ‘I’m proud of you. And I love you.’

‘Thank you. I love you too.’ The moment is warm and sweet enough for her to taste it on her tongue, where it melts the frosted air. The last few months, for all that they have been filled with tiredness and tag-team parenting, may have been her and Marcus’s happiest. It was as though Erica inherited some of Veronica’s uncompromising spirit with her archive. She told Marcus exactly what she needed; why she was unhappy; what she was afraid of. He listened. He changed his working hours; she signed a contract to edit Leonie’s and Vee’s unpublished books, to write their linked biographies. (Vee’s photography book had been a surprise. Erica can only assume she forgot about the manuscript.) Baby Leonie Sarah was born two days after Erica’s thirty-ninth birthday, and she was not easy, not peaceful, not calm. She was loud and determined and Marcus and Erica could not love her more.

They arrive at the gate of the churchyard, where an older woman is just leaving, dead flowers in a basket on her arm. Erica steps back for her to pass through. She smiles at them both, says hello to Tom, and then looks in the sling at the sleeping Leonie.

‘Oh, bless,’ she says, then, looking up at Marcus, ‘Boy or girl?’

Marcus smiles. ‘Baby.’

*

Ursula’s funeral would have been the last time Erica was here. Four years. And yesterday, and tomorrow. This place is as timeless as a photograph.

The granite headstone lists Erica’s grandparents, then Leonie, then Ursula. The grass around it is short and sparse; the ground, where Erica kneels, pushes cold into her knees.

At Vee’s wake, Bea had proposed that there was no one place for Veronica Moon to rest. In the months since, her ashes have been taken, by one of the sisters or another, to the places that were important to her. Fen went to the Colchester graveyard where Vee’s father was buried, Bea to the Peace Garden at Greenham Common; Gloria to the gardens opposite the Royal Albert Hall. And Erica is here.